Figure sitting in darkness made up of words. Hand touching up back and lighting up showing support.

The Lowdown

Is your friend in crisis? Find help for yourself, a friend or anyone you know who is contemplating suicide or self harm 

Don’t forget to look after your safety as well. You’re not alone in this.
Protect your wairua and treat yourself with the same care that you would offer others.

Have you noticed changes in someone’s behaviour that make you think they’re really not ok? It’s a good time to speak up.

You may feel uncomfortable asking, but it’s important to be clear and direct. It can be as simple as “Are you thinking about suicide?”

They could avoid the question, they could be offended, they could get upset, but at least they’ll know you’ve got their back.

People are most likely to turn to close friends or family for support.

That might be you. Be non-judgemental, take the time to listen and acknowledge how they’re feeling.
Ask them if they will consider talking to a mental health professional. This is important so that you can keep them safe and take that pressure off your own shoulders, where it doesn’t belong. You are not responsible for keeping your friend alive all by yourself, so don’t carry that load alone. If they refuse to get help, talk to a trusted adult or to their parents/caregivers. Just 

If they talk about suicide or not wanting to be there (even as a joke), start giving stuff away or are saying goodbye to friends, these are signs you need to take seriously and do something about - even if they’ve asked you not to.

If you think anyone in your life could be in danger of hurting themselves or someone else, tell somebody ASAP. Reach out to their parents/caregivers, a school counsellor, kaumātua, trusted whanau, 

 It’s better to have a friend who is mad at you for breaking their trust than a friend who’s injured or gone.

Here are some ways you can help a friend who is suicidal:

If you feel they are in immediate danger of harming themselves, don’t leave them alone. Call 111 immediately, even if they haven’t harmed themselves yet.

Take it seriously – even if they’ve been saying it for a long time and never acted on it

Acknowledge their feelings, thoughts and what they are going through

Show your concern by paying attention and asking questions

Don’t be afraid to ask tough questions, for example, “Are you hurting yourself?”, “Are you thinking about suicide?”, “Do you have a plan?” If they have a plan to harm themselves, you need to call 111 right away.

Ask them if they want to talk about what’s going on for them with you or someone else. They might not want to open up straight away, but letting them know you are there for them is a big help.

Don’t promise not to tell. Instead, you can say something like, “I need you to know that I can’t keep this a secret because I care about you” and work to create a plan that you’re both comfortable with.

Problem solve with them - maybe they don’t want you to tell their parents, but instead you could agree on someone else you could go to (trusted whānau or 

Try to remove any dangerous objects from their environment (e.g. knives, pills, rope, anything sharp).

Stay with them until someone else can join you to help, or for as long as it is safe for you to be there. If you can, make sure they won’t be left alone.

It’s important to note that sometimes the person you go to for help may not offer you the help and support you need, but don’t give up there. Try again with someone else – this is important. Just because someone doesn’t listen or give you the help you need doesn’t mean that what you & your friend are facing isn’t real.

Remember to check in on yourself – are you doing ok? Is supporting your friend having an impact on your own wellbeing? Don’t take on more than you can handle, ask someone you trust for help if you’re struggling and 

Think of it like the safety instructions on a plane – they always tell you to put your own life preserver on first before helping those around you. 

You can’t help anyone else if you’re not ok yourself!

If you’re thinking about harming yourself or are having suicidal thoughts, 

to talk to someone who cares and can support you.

Is a mate really starting to worry you? If you think someone may be suicidal, ask them. Asking about suicide will not put the thought in their head, but it could save their life. It’s important to ask directly so that you can get them the help they need right away.

Worried about a friend? The Lowdown Aotearoa offers tips and resources to help you support a friend who may be struggling with suicidal thoughts. 

Supporting a Suicidal Friend | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

Supporting a Suicidal Friend

The logo of the Sounds of La Salle band with various musical instruments in the background.

Mana Pasifika

The boys from Sounds of La Salle create a powerful track around reaching out and checking in on our brothers to make sure they are ok. Written and performed by the Sounds of La Salle band.

The boys from Sounds of La Salle create a powerful track on reaching out and checking in our brothers to make sure they're okay. 

Mana Pasifika: "Dear Brother" - SOLS | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

"Dear Brother" - SOLS

Hey Uce
I know you find it hard to speak
thinking this act of speaking up will only make you weak
Kaukala mai 
I know we were taught to be strong
And I mean all affection implanted into this song
I'm here for you
E ui iga kigā lau faku
I just can't stand to see you hurt 
Kaumafai gagā magakau
I know you're feenin and you're feeling for some love 
So you keep dreaming uce 
I've seen it in your tears there's so much pain
Kakou ola ma le magakau e fu’e I kakou le fusipau 
If we ever decided to let it rain, 
but I'm just sayin
I love you uce and I don’t want you hurting yourself
As this facade of being strong only hurts your mental health
But take your time uce
Take all the time and space you need
Just text up when you're ready.
I see you sitting there
Catching your tear drops in your hands
Hiding behind that mask
Crying out when will this all end
You don’t have to struggle in silence
You’re more stronger than you seem
We can both get through this temporary suffering
At every tunnel's end
Just know that there is light 
Know that you got a friend
Just know that everything will be alright
Alright
You don’t have to struggle in silence
You’re more stronger than you seem
We can both get through this temporary suffering 
You don’t have to struggle in silence
You’re more stronger than you seem
We can both get through this temporary suffering 
You don’t have to struggle in silence
You’re more stronger than you seem
We can both get through this temporary suffering 
You don’t have to struggle in silence
You’re more stronger than you seem
We can both get through this temporary suffering 
At every tunnel's end
Just know that there is light 
Know that you got a friend
Just know that everything will be alright
Alright

Grafitti artist on a ladder with his back to us painting a giant mural. 

Monty shares his inspiring story through depression and the creative outlets he uses to better his mental wellbeing.

Monty shares his inspiring store of his journey through depression and the creative outlets he uses to better his mental wellbeing. 

Mana Pasifika: Monty's Journey with Depression | The Lowdown Aotearoa

Monty Shares his Journey with Depression

I am Monty Collins,
I am the director of SDO Custom Designs
and we're based out here in Mangere, South Auckland.
We're basically a company that does logos, murals
and uniforms and garments, basically anything.
I think for the first Covid, that was a stressful time
There was potential business happening
Everything was starting to flow
and then (snap)
all of a sudden, you’re getting notices, like emails
"sorry we can't do this", "sorry we can't do this",
"sorry we can't do this".
For us, well, for me personally
I just had to sit in my corner
and in my own little mind space and
somewhat, just look past it
and just realize, look, everyone is going through a hard time.
Me personally, I got depression so,
it didn’t help, you know like, my business,
my artwork, is my stress relief
and to hear that potential business was going
that stressed me out.
The things that went through me head were
my family,
food,
rent,
especially rent, you know.
At the same time, just working on what we can do
so we started doing preorders for hoodies and all that stuff
and it was really good
that helped put some, ease that, there’s still potential out there.
Our people we're, we are vocal
but we're not emotionally vocal or mentally vocal.
When I say mentally vocal,
I think the words depression, mental health,
mental illness is not in our vocab
You know how it is, it's basically like
Toughen up, you know, blah blah
but they don’t realize that it’s an actual condition
and some people, even though they toughen it out
sometimes they don't live to see the next day,
cause it just gets too much,
and I've lost a few friends from it
purely because either
one, they don’t want to put on their act that they need help,
two, they don’t know who to talk to,
three, they've just changed so much because
of the metal state that they've had
that they hide, you know and then
if you don't keep in contact with those ones
you will never see them again.
I think there should be a massive awareness about
peoples mental state
especially within the lockdown and the stresses of,
expensive housing and minimum wage and
just getting food on the table
is sometimes stressful for people.
It's the reason why I want to do my bit
within this campaign
and express it the way I know how to
and that's with art.
I've been given a wall out in Otara
and certain cultures, a Tiki is somewhat a symbol of strength
and what I've done there is I've done a laughing Tiki
saying cheers, with the kava cup
because the kava bowl is utilized as a
device for conversation amongst men
it's the way men communicate back in the day
You know, clap twice you get another cup
makes it easier to talk
the waves represent Covid and the hardships
that everyone's going through
and basically, what I am trying to portray is that
there's always light at the end of the tunnel
just gotta stand strong and communicate more with your families.

If you're having suicidal thoughts, you need to seek help now. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

#Suicide

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