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The Lowdown

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Each person’s grief is unique and everyone will experience it differently.

For some people this is what grief might look like:

 – right after a loss, it can be hard to accept what happened. You may feel numb or have trouble believing that the loss really happened.

 – You may have feelings of emptiness, despair, yearning or deep loneliness, and you may be so sad your body physically hurts. You might cry a lot or not at all, and both are normal.

 – After experiencing a loss, you may feel guilt or regret about many things such as what you did or didn’t say or do, even if there was nothing you could have done to change this.

 – even if the loss was nobody’s fault, you may feel angry and resentful. If you lost a loved one, you may be angry with yourself, God, the doctors or even the person who died.

 – a significant loss can trigger a lot of feelings of worry and fear. You may feel anxious, helpless or insecure.

Physical symptoms may occur including fatigue, nausea, lowered immunity, weight loss or weight gain, aches and pains or insomnia.

Everyone deals with grief in different ways, and we often underestimate just how long it will take to feel better. With grief there is no timeline – you can’t control how long it takes but you can find coping mechanisms to help you survive it.

Whatever your grief experience, it’s important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold. There are healthy ways to cope with the pain that you feel and to help you come to terms with your loss, find new meaning and eventually move on with your life.

if your grief is feeling overwhelming, itʻs good to talk to someone about it, rather than feeling like you have to keep your emotions to yourself.

Reach out to someone you trust and talk to them about how you’re feeling, or ask them to help you see a mental health professional who can support you in dealing with the heavy weight of these emotions. If you don’t have anyone in your life that you can talk to, the below list of websites can help you access support.

It’s important to note that sometimes the person you talk to may not offer you the help and support you need, but don’t give up. Try again with someone else – your struggles are important and just because someone doesn’t listen or give you the help you need doesn’t mean what you’re facing isn’t real.

 offers support and information to help you get through this.

If you’re thinking about harming yourself or are having suicidal thoughts, 

to talk to someone who cares and can support you.

Grief is a normal part of life. It’s a natural reaction to losing someone or something that you love or hold value to. You may feel grief when you have experienced the death of a person or animal you love or care about, the end of a relationship or friendship or the loss of an opportunity or a place that’s important to you.

Dealing with grief and loss can be challenging as a young person. Learn how to find support and take steps towards healing with The Lowdown Aotearoa. 

Coping with Grief and Loss | The Lowdown Aotearoa

Grief and Loss

A person wearing a red and black hoodie, looking down, covering the top half of their face in the dark.

It’s normal to go through ups and downs and at times to feel sad and heavy, but depression is when that feeling of heavy sadness doesn’t go away. Instead it lasts longer, may get worse and often won’t get better without help. It can affect your ability to do everyday things, feel pleasure or take interest in activities. You may find it really hard to get out of bed in the morning or to do simple things like brushing your teeth, sending a text or going outside. Sometimes there are triggers for depression such as a break up, school stress, losing a loved one, social isolation, medication, family history and so on. You can also become depressed for no reason at all.

 but there are some common symptoms and feelings:

Struggling to do things that used to be a normal part of your life

Not wanting to do the things that you used to enjoy

If you’re feeling alone or too embarrassed to talk to someone about how you’re feeling, know that depression isn’t something to be ashamed of – 

is going through it with you. Conquering sadness or depression takes effort, and you shouldn’t try to do it alone.

We often tell ourselves that if we talk to someone, they will think we’re exaggerating our problems, being silly or giving them a burden to deal with. The thing is, this is almost never true! People care a lot more than we give them credit for, and if you speak to someone about what you’re struggling with, you’re likely to find that you have unlocked the bonus of a caring supportive person who will help you get through your tough times.

It’s important to note that sometimes the person you talk to may not offer you the help and support you need, but don’t give up there. Try again with someone else – your struggles are important and just because someone doesn’t listen or give you the help you need doesn’t mean what you’re facing isn’t real. The sooner you start getting help, the sooner you will start feeling better.

Sometimes life just sucks. It’s like you’re wading through mud – it’s heavy, it clings to you and weighs you down, making even simple actions like taking a step feel incredibly tough. 

Depression

Two friends are hugging in the palms of hands. Over them is a yellow Pacific-patterned umbrella, which is sheltering them from rain with negative words inside.

You probably want to give them as much support as possible, but you may not know what to say or how to help. Even when you’re trying to be supportive, it can feel like you’re getting it all wrong.

It’s important not to judge yourself for being a bit unsure of what to say in these moments. You don’t need to be a doctor or a trained counsellor to support a friend – most of the time, they just need you to show up for them and encourage them to talk about how they’re feeling.

Some simple ways to support a friend who’s struggling include:

Starting a conversation can feel awkward, but it’s easier than you think. Stick to the facts. Don’t judge and try not to make assumptions.

 - Relax, you’re not expected to come up with an instant solution. Just really listen to what they have to say. Even if you don’t understand what they’re going through, accept that it’s very real to them. Just let them know you’re there for them and you’re happy to listen.

– When they’ve finished telling you about what’s going on, try asking how you can help. If they don’t know, try asking “Do you need a hug, do you need me to help you find a solution or do you need to just chill out together and forget about it for a while?”

Check in to see if they want to do anything with you

 - You could do something active, go get food, play video games or go and sit at the beach. Remember it’s also okay to do nothing- chilling out with no expectations is all good.

- It’s good to try to understand what your friend is going through, but it’s important to also understand that their experience is their own and right now they need to process it. Try to do your best not to butt in and take over their experiences with your own story.

If you’re concerned about a friend, one of the most important things you can do is encourage them to get professional mental health support. If you know they might be open to do this but might need some extra support, you may even be able to offer to accompany them as their support person, if you have capacity and you feel that your own safety won’t be at risk by doing so. Check out 

 for free and affordable ways you and your friends can get in touch with a mental health professional.

to talk to someone who cares and can support you. 

If you believe a friend may be thinking about harming themselves, call 

 if it's happening right now, or check out 

 for support if they're safe right now and you need advice.

Does a friend seem really down lately? Is someone you care about struggling, and you’re unsure how to help? It can be hard to know what to do when a friend is going through a tough time. They might be having troubles at school, facing whānau issues, going through a breakup or struggling with something else completely. 


Seeing a friend struggle can be tough, but you can make a difference. Discover practical tips and tools for supporting a friend through a tough time with The Lowdown Aotearoa.

How to Support a Friend | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

Supporting a Friend

Death is one of the toughest things we'll ever face, and it's important that we don't try to cope with our feelings around it alone. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

#Death

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