A boy is split in half; one half is at school with a heavy backpack full of books, and the other half is at the rugby field with a heavy bag full of rugby gear. 

The Lowdown

There are probably lots of things on your mind right now. Will I fit in? Will there be more work? More pressure? What about exams? Will I have friends in my class? What if I don’t remember where to go? 

It’s totally OK to feel nervous. It’s 

 going from being in an environment you’re comfortable and familiar with to somewhere new.

Your first year of high school can take you by surprise in both positive and negative ways. Here are some things you can expect, to help you mentally prepare for the experience:

You’ll be learning across a wide range of subjects – many of these you’ll be able to choose yourself. This gives you opportunities to really focus on what you enjoy or what will help you achieve the career you want.

You’ll work with different teachers in different classrooms throughout the day. Everything may seem much more unfamiliar because of this but you will soon get to know your teachers and classrooms just like you do now.

You’ll be more independent and responsible for managing your own timetable – this will be more complex than before but you’ll get used to it in no time.

You may have some awesome new extra-curricular activities like sports and clubs to consider joining. These are great ways to make new friends!

Most high schools hold an orientation day before school actually starts. Make sure you attend if you can, so you can get a tour of your new school – this way you know what you’re facing and will have more confidence for your first day. You might even be able to spark new friendships with other people who are feeling just as nervous and excited as you are.

To help things go a little smoother on your first day, you could try a few things like:

Find out if there is anyone you know going to the same school and see if you can catch up

Try to have an early night and a well-rested sleep the night before

Visit the school before you start or study your campus map so you know how to find your way around

Make sure you have all your books and stationery, pack your bag and lay out your uniform the night before

Even if you get off to a bad start, don’t over think it - you’ll settle in soon and find where you feel comfortable, your crew or a way you enjoy expressing yourself.

There’s no denying that there are challenges and hurdles that lie ahead as you adjust to new environments, connections and classes, but these changes are mostly positive and you’ll find yourself a wiser, more capable person because of them.

If you’re really struggling to adjust to your new school, things just aren’t getting any easier or you feel like you can’t bear to face each day, reach out to someone you trust or your school counsellor and talk to them about how you’re feeling.

If you’re thinking about harming yourself or are having suicidal thoughts, 

to talk to someone who cares and can support you.

Starting a new school or level of education is exciting, but it also might be stressful and feel pretty weird and unfamiliar to you. You’re not alone in this – most of the people in your class are probably feeling or have felt the same way. 

Starting a new school or level of education can be exciting, but also overwhelming. The Lowdown Aotearoa is here to help you navigate this transition with ease and confidence. 

Starting School | The Lowdown Aotearoa

Starting School

In 'NWA', 17-year-old Lisa Tuulima emphasises the importance of friendship as a source of comfort and connection in a world that can often feel isolating. The poem speaks to finding support in each other's company and being able to be yourself without fear of judgement.

In 'NWA', Lisa Tuulima uses the power of spoken word to highlight the unique bond of true friendship and how it provides comfort and connection in a world that can feel isolating. 

NWA - Lisa Tuulima | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

NWA - Lisa Tuulima

Lost
in a world not made for them
thinking all we have is only one another
pieces of ourselves are missing
constantly failing to acknowledge only
I know what pieces fit together
to make me, me
and you, you
to cry without forcing laughter
to drop an outworn mask
is to truly show you the REAL me
it's to show you
I am human
something we use our humour
to replace  
and call "tough love"
the kind of tough love we received growing up
projected all throughout our friendship
with a hit of bus therapy
every now & then
when we realise
we catch up
with everyone else around us
but we never actually catch up
with each other
tho unaware we quite like them
just socially awkward
but we're quite like them
in the crowd 
But it’s less lonely here
Coz at least we have each other
To whisper secrets to through secret glances
And mock each other 


Figure sitting in darkness made up of words. Hand touching up back and lighting up showing support.

Is your friend in crisis? Find help for yourself, a friend or anyone you know who is contemplating suicide or self harm 

Don’t forget to look after your safety as well. You’re not alone in this.
Protect your wairua and treat yourself with the same care that you would offer others.

Have you noticed changes in someone’s behaviour that make you think they’re really not ok? It’s a good time to speak up.

You may feel uncomfortable asking, but it’s important to be clear and direct. It can be as simple as “Are you thinking about suicide?”

They could avoid the question, they could be offended, they could get upset, but at least they’ll know you’ve got their back.

People are most likely to turn to close friends or family for support.

That might be you. Be non-judgemental, take the time to listen and acknowledge how they’re feeling.
Ask them if they will consider talking to a mental health professional. This is important so that you can keep them safe and take that pressure off your own shoulders, where it doesn’t belong. You are not responsible for keeping your friend alive all by yourself, so don’t carry that load alone. If they refuse to get help, talk to a trusted adult or to their parents/caregivers. Just 

If they talk about suicide or not wanting to be there (even as a joke), start giving stuff away or are saying goodbye to friends, these are signs you need to take seriously and do something about - even if they’ve asked you not to.

If you think anyone in your life could be in danger of hurting themselves or someone else, tell somebody ASAP. Reach out to their parents/caregivers, a school counsellor, kaumātua, trusted whanau, 

 It’s better to have a friend who is mad at you for breaking their trust than a friend who’s injured or gone.

Here are some ways you can help a friend who is suicidal:

If you feel they are in immediate danger of harming themselves, don’t leave them alone. Call 111 immediately, even if they haven’t harmed themselves yet.

Take it seriously – even if they’ve been saying it for a long time and never acted on it

Acknowledge their feelings, thoughts and what they are going through

Show your concern by paying attention and asking questions

Don’t be afraid to ask tough questions, for example, “Are you hurting yourself?”, “Are you thinking about suicide?”, “Do you have a plan?” If they have a plan to harm themselves, you need to call 111 right away.

Ask them if they want to talk about what’s going on for them with you or someone else. They might not want to open up straight away, but letting them know you are there for them is a big help.

Don’t promise not to tell. Instead, you can say something like, “I need you to know that I can’t keep this a secret because I care about you” and work to create a plan that you’re both comfortable with.

Problem solve with them - maybe they don’t want you to tell their parents, but instead you could agree on someone else you could go to (trusted whānau or 

Try to remove any dangerous objects from their environment (e.g. knives, pills, rope, anything sharp).

Stay with them until someone else can join you to help, or for as long as it is safe for you to be there. If you can, make sure they won’t be left alone.

It’s important to note that sometimes the person you go to for help may not offer you the help and support you need, but don’t give up there. Try again with someone else – this is important. Just because someone doesn’t listen or give you the help you need doesn’t mean that what you & your friend are facing isn’t real.

Remember to check in on yourself – are you doing ok? Is supporting your friend having an impact on your own wellbeing? Don’t take on more than you can handle, ask someone you trust for help if you’re struggling and 

Think of it like the safety instructions on a plane – they always tell you to put your own life preserver on first before helping those around you. 

You can’t help anyone else if you’re not ok yourself!

Is a mate really starting to worry you? If you think someone may be suicidal, ask them. Asking about suicide will not put the thought in their head, but it could save their life. It’s important to ask directly so that you can get them the help they need right away.

Worried about a friend? The Lowdown Aotearoa offers tips and resources to help you support a friend who may be struggling with suicidal thoughts. 

Supporting a Suicidal Friend | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

Supporting a Suicidal Friend

Let's start with thinking of health as a state of wellness. We can think of wellness as choices, ways of being and activities that provide balance in our lives that improves our whole self; mind, body and wairua. As we evolve and grow and as our environment changes, our state of wellness may require adjustments. It's helpful to think of a state of wellness as flexible to what WE need WHEN we need. This gives us room to explore and try new practices, connecting with different support and resources.

Everyone has mental health. Mental health is a part of your hauora, it’s the wellness of your mind, your thoughts and how you feel. On any given day, the state of your mental health can be really good, okay, a bit up and down, feeling a bit low or really struggling, and it can change quickly and massively based on all the things that happen in life, both big and little. It’s often complicated because everyone’s experience of it is personal and unique.

Our hauora is not individual. It’s a weaving together of our whānau, our whakapapa, our connection to the world around us and our beliefs. This helps us form an identity that connects us to our past, grounds us in our present and lifts us up to the opportunities our future holds.

It means that we’re a part of something bigger than ourselves, and within this we can find people who care and support, stories that uplift us and help us to feel connected and heard, and a sense of belonging and acceptance of who we are.

Your mental health is closely linked to how you think and feel about yourself and others, how you create and manage relationships and friendships and the ways that you’re able to cope with the ups and downs of emotions that you face in your everyday life.

If you’re feeling good, you might say your mental health is all good right now. If you’re feeling down, anxious or confused, you could say your mental health is struggling or just a bit shitty at the moment.

Sometimes your mental health can be impacted by things that you can’t control. These can include sickness, injuries or other impacts to your physical health, systemic inequalities, the way other people act or treat you, hormones or other chemical changes inside your body, and even the time of year, temperature and weather.

Your mental health doesn’t always stay the same.

There are many factors that impact our mental health and shift the balance between feeling good and feeling down or having a hard time as you move through different stages of your life. These challenges may come and go over time, they may be short or might last for many years. Everyone’s experience is unique and different from everybody else and can be heavily impacted by things like your culture, your family and your identity. You might be able to bounce back from a tough experience while someone else may feel weighed down by it for a long time and both of these responses are normal.

The one thing you always need to remember that you’re never alone in what you’re facing. People care about you and want you to be ok, and they may have a better understanding of how you’re feeling than you realise.

Positive mental health is often connected to having a sense of purpose, knowing who we are, being able to do the things that matter to us and feeling connected to others. This is linked to resilience, which is having positive ways to deal with your feelings, recover from things that impact you and enjoy life even when things are hard.

It’s important to know, though, that having positive mental health overall doesn’t mean you’re excluded from experiencing mental distress.

A great resource to assist with this is the 'Five Ways of Wellbeing' from the Mental Health Foundation 

You may hear the words ‘mental health’ being thrown around a lot in conversations, in the news or on social media. The thing is, you might not know what that means exactly. No worries, we’re here to help.

Mental health is a critical part of your overall wellbeing , but what does that actually mean? Get informed about mental health with The Lowdown Aotearoa. 

Understanding Mental Health | The Lowdown Aotearoa

What is Mental Health?

The logo of the Sounds of La Salle band with various musical instruments in the background.

Mana Pasifika

The boys from Sounds of La Salle create a powerful track around reaching out and checking in on our brothers to make sure they are ok. Written and performed by the Sounds of La Salle band.

The boys from Sounds of La Salle create a powerful track on reaching out and checking in our brothers to make sure they're okay. 

Mana Pasifika: "Dear Brother" - SOLS | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

"Dear Brother" - SOLS

Hey Uce
I know you find it hard to speak
thinking this act of speaking up will only make you weak
Kaukala mai 
I know we were taught to be strong
And I mean all affection implanted into this song
I'm here for you
E ui iga kigā lau faku
I just can't stand to see you hurt 
Kaumafai gagā magakau
I know you're feenin and you're feeling for some love 
So you keep dreaming uce 
I've seen it in your tears there's so much pain
Kakou ola ma le magakau e fu’e I kakou le fusipau 
If we ever decided to let it rain, 
but I'm just sayin
I love you uce and I don’t want you hurting yourself
As this facade of being strong only hurts your mental health
But take your time uce
Take all the time and space you need
Just text up when you're ready.
I see you sitting there
Catching your tear drops in your hands
Hiding behind that mask
Crying out when will this all end
You don’t have to struggle in silence
You’re more stronger than you seem
We can both get through this temporary suffering
At every tunnel's end
Just know that there is light 
Know that you got a friend
Just know that everything will be alright
Alright
You don’t have to struggle in silence
You’re more stronger than you seem
We can both get through this temporary suffering 
You don’t have to struggle in silence
You’re more stronger than you seem
We can both get through this temporary suffering 
You don’t have to struggle in silence
You’re more stronger than you seem
We can both get through this temporary suffering 
You don’t have to struggle in silence
You’re more stronger than you seem
We can both get through this temporary suffering 
At every tunnel's end
Just know that there is light 
Know that you got a friend
Just know that everything will be alright
Alright

A stressed-out person leaning on top of a bunch of books with a colourful filter overlayed with different Pacific patterns.

It is important to try and do your best in school as it sets you up to succeed as an adult, but at times the juggling of study, attending school, mahi/work, your whānau, extracurricular activities like sport and music, relationships and life in general can eventually add up and begin to overwhelm you. Even when it’s stuff you love doing, it can sometimes feel like you’re overloaded.

As you progress through high school and begin your NCEA levels, it’s common to begin to feel stressed, tired and overwhelmed by the study that is expected of you. If you think you might be suffering from study stress, here are some things you might be feeling:

Low energy and lack of motivation to attend class or get assignments done

Getting mad at your friends or family more often because of frustration

Physical symptoms like headaches and stomach aches

If you start to recognise some of the symptoms above in yourself, it might be time to make some changes for the sake of your mental health and well-being.

Taking breaks – try to get some time in every week to relax and recharge your batteries

Say no to commitments that will make you more stressed, and think about some healthy boundaries you can set

Look at your schedule and prioritise what’s most important for you. If there’s a parent or caregiver involved in your decisions, ask them to help you make a plan that will reduce the pressure on you.

Have a chat with your teacher or lecturer and let them know you’re struggling. Ask them for support and advice on how to manage your workload in a way that supports you to succeed and ensures you have a healthy balance in your life.

Physical activity – go for a walk or run or take some time to play your favourite sport

Practice self-care by listening to music, baking or cooking, taking some time for something you enjoy or simply just going outside for some fresh air

 for some tools to help you manage your stress and relax your mind.

It’s important to make sure you get the physical and mental rest that you need to reset and recharge, as if you keep pushing through you could burn out and reach a point where you can’t do any of it.

Even though they might not seem like they understand everything you’re going through, parents, caregivers and teachers totally know how it feels to be overloaded. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for extra support. They may be able to help take some pressure off you or give you some guidance if you’re worried you’ll fall behind on your work or miss an assignment deadline.

Remember, even if you do fail a test, your NCEA or even a Uni paper, it’s not going to ruin your life. You’re going to be fine, and once you’re out of school your bosses won’t even care what your grades were. The same goes for if you have to drop out of school for any reason. There is always more time to study if you want to upskill at any point in your life, and some of the best jobs come with learned experience not qualifications anyway.

If you have a learning disability, this may be another reason you’re feeling overwhelmed by school. If a learning disability is having an impact on your ability to study and succeed in school, you may be able to find help in the support systems available to you. Check out the following links for some good options you may qualify for. Remember, who you are is not judged by what you can do, and having struggles doesn’t mean you’re not smart.

If you’re really struggling with stress overload and feel burnt out, you’ve tried to make changes but it just isn’t getting any easier or you feel like you can’t bear to face each day, it’s important that you talk to someone you trust or your school counsellor about how you’re feeling and ask them for support.

School seems to be all about grades, right? And everyone says the only way to get there is by studying and working hard. They expect you to do more and more, until it can feel like there’s just too much to do. 

Feeling overwhelmed by school work? You're not alone. The Lowdown Aotearoa has the tips and tricks you need to manage study stress. 

Study Stress | The Lowdown Aotearoa

Study Stress

Manutioriori in her room, smiling, with a bunch of photos and bright artwork around her.

When you feel down, it might feel easier to push those feelings away. Manutioriori shares with us her journey and a gentle reminder that you don't have to deal with them alone. 

Join Manutioriori as she shares her journey and reminds us that we don't have to deal with our feelings alone. 

Manutioriori's Story Part 1 | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

Manutioriori's Story - Part 1

I didn’t notice things building up. 
But if I look back at it, everything started in intermediate. 
Intermediate was rough. 
Bullying is something that is normalised in our country. 
You can put signs that say bullying is wrong or say “stop it I don’t like it”, but what does that really even help. 
I was bullied by someone I grew up with through primary and intermediate.
I don’t know what made her do it, but I kind of felt betrayed because she was someone I really trusted. 
During the same time that all of this was happening my parents were going through a divorce.
But because I was only young, I didn’t really comprehend the situation. 
I did see how much it hurt the rest of my siblings though. 

When it did end up being just me and the kids.
I learnt very early on that if I couldn’t be open and honest with them about what was going on in my world,
which was affecting their world, we were never going to be okay. 
I actually sat them all down and had that conversation with them about the fact that their father had gone 
and that he wasn’t coming back.
Because it was the only thing I knew to do. 
So, in amongst everything that we’ve done and all the things we’ve been through, that’s the only thing that I could ever do was just talk or try and get them to talk.
But when they stop talking to you, that’s when it gets really hard.
Because when they’re not talking, you don’t know how they’re feeling and you don’t know what more you can do to try and pull them back up.

Even though I didn’t properly comprehend the divorce, I was disappointed with my dad.
He wasn’t around as much as I wanted him to be, mainly because he wasn’t in stable accommodation. 
The relationship I had with my dad started to fade because I was upset with him. 
In my head I was thinking “why now?” why does he want to be a part of our lives now, because it seems like he’s trying more now than when he lived under our roof. 

With Manutioriori, I think looking back I think that there were definitely signs when her – me and her father separated. 
Slowly but surely the signs were getting more and more obvious.
But she talks more about when her grandfather – who was her father’s father passed away. 

Highschool came around, I made new friends, I settled in pretty well. 
It was actually better than I expected.
And then boom, koro passed away.
It felt like everything started falling apart.
I had lost the mana Māori person that I looked up to and adored. 
My grandfather was the type of person that loved his grandkids more than anything. 
The person that we could run away to knowing we would be safe.
I can’t really explain the way I felt, but going to his house, even now, feels like there’s something missing. 
It’s hard for me to place an emotion on it. 
Mostly grief, uh guilt because you know I didn’t see my grandfather before he passed away. Yeah.
I tried to push it away, but it was still sitting in the back of my head. 
I think it would’ve got to a point where I would’ve started like self-harm, even though I don’t like thinking about that, yeah.

When you get to a point where you feel like you’ve done all that you possibly could, fear starts to kick in.
Fear that you know um that they’re just going to lose the plot or you’re going to lose them. 
And it can get really hard, you know then you start sort of judging yourself.
Looking at your own inadequacies, like you’re not good enough to be a parent.
Um, it can be quite hard and I think in amongst it all when it gets to that point, 
you spend a lot of time trying to show on the outside that that’s not how you feel.
So you still have to walk around with the brave face, even though the brain is just going “oh my god, oh my god, what am I going to do next?”
After her grandfather passed away, I mean I wouldn’t say that she was a very confident and open child before he passed away, but she definitely went a little bit darker.
Um, after he passed and then of course I think it was a year later his wife passed away. 
So that was another huge toll on all of them including her. 


Manutioriori smiling in front of a teal background with Māori designs on it, she's designed as an anime character inspired by Katara from Avatar: The Last Airbender.

Talking to your parents/carers might be scary, but for Manutioriori, telling someone about how she was feeling was a big relief. 

Discover how Manutioriori found relief and support by opening up to her parents about her feelings. her story serves as a reminder that you are not alone in your struggles and seeking help is a brave step towards healing. 

Manutioriori's Story Part 2 | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

Manutioriori's Story - Part 2

Opening up to my mum about how I felt was a struggle. 
I was scared she wouldn’t know what to do with me or what to say. 
I even thought she would push it all away and tell me to just harden up. 
I usually would just like bottle it up 
Like to me showing grief or sadness, I thought it was weak. 
My grandfather was like a very strong man. 
Yeah I didn’t want to show my weakness to other people. 
Yeah, I just wanted to be strong like him 

I wouldn’t say that she had completely shut down and we weren’t having any conversations.
But there were more regular conversations that were ‘I can’t talk to you about it, I can’t explain how I’m feeling'; I can only tell you what I’m feeling’. 
No matter what tactics I tried, and it’s not like I have a basket full of tactics.
So the tactics that I had, as I was trying them out, that was all I was getting. 
She just couldn’t explain what was going on; it was just ‘I’m feeling this, I can’t talk to you about it anymore’.

Mum made me join the mental health course at Te Kaha O Te Rangatahi, where I met Matt. 
Initially, I didn’t want to do the course because I thought they would be like therapy sessions.
The sessions were filled with laughter and just straight vibes. 
It was a great experience. 
The most important thing I learnt from the course is that not all mental health programmes are negative, just like they are in films. 
It was nice to open up to a group of strangers. 
It was also nice to hear the boys in our group open up, because it is not often that you see or hear boys open up about their mental health. 


The first thing I would say that I noticed is that she started talking more. 
She wasn’t hiding as much in her room. 
I wouldn’t say we went from her not talking to instantly she was telling me everything, but it was small steps, you know. 
She could explain to me slowly why she was feeling the way that she was or she was talking to me about things that she would talk about in the sessions with Matt you know. 
That was sort of the biggest thing was that she started talking and started opening up.

I was scared I might do something to myself so I started so I started properly talking to my mum about how I felt and telling her if I was having a bad day and needed space. 
We of course talked about the bad days I was having and it felt nice to be able to talk to my mum about my mental health and just ranting to her, doing this created a well-needed bond with her.
I was tired of not talking to someone so it was good to finally have someone that I know won’t judge me. 
I remember there was this one time me and my sisters were really struggling after he’d passed and we were upset at my grandfather.

My mum decided to pack us all up and we went off to Taupiri to go yell at him because that was a coping thing for us. 
We couldn‘t physically yell at him but it was still a bit therapeutic sitting there just yelling at him in our heads. 
At one point when we were there I felt like he was there with us it felt like his presence was there and that was really nice.
I’m still working on my mental health but I’m pretty sure everyone is the same. 
My relationship with my mum is so much better than it used to be. 
My relationship with my brother and family grew stronger throughout this whole journey. 
I’ve started properly coping with my mental health. 
I also use photography as another way to cope and started watching anime. 

I think that she is doing really well. 
I mean, life is never perfect. 
Challenge is always going to come her way, but she talks about things. 
She’s like “oh mum what do you think I should do in this situation?” you know so we definitely talk. 
I’m really happy at the fact that she, so far, is comfortable to talk to me about anything that is going on in her brain. 
Whatever she feels is affecting her and changing the way that she’s feeling,
she’s comfortable enough to talk to me. 
And that’s a huge achievement compared to where she was before she started the programme and started her little journey. 

I was expecting her to like, um, push me away and not want to talk about it. 
But she was really open to talking more about it and making sure I was okay.
Mine and my mums relationship is way better than it used to be only because I talk to her more. 
My mum's like my best friend; I tell her everything. 

I think I haven’t got it down to a tee.
You know, I’m learning every day with every new problem that gets thrown at me. I’m learning. 
It feels good to be on the other side. 
One thing I probably wish I had have done better at the time would have been to talk to people about how I was feeling. 
As time has gone by, I suppose I’ve learnt that just as much as they’re learning from being born to walking and going to school, parents are learning too. 


In the middle of the day, a man sits on a chair in front of a pond, staring directly at the camera. Holding his hands over his chest in an emotive way.

Expressing ourselves is one way that we are able to reimagine our Wellbeing together. A creative piece written by Grace Iwashita-Taylor, performed by Allister Ngawati-Salaivao with music from Brandon Haru.

Expressing ourselves is one way that we are able to reimagine our wellbeing together. Enjoy a creative piece written by Grace Iwashita-Taylor and performed by All-star Ngawati-Salaivao with music by Brandon Haru.

Mana Pasifika: Wellbeing Reimagined | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

Wellbeing Reimagined

My wellbeing meets the world shifting
tilting, flips me sideways into unknown waters
confronts the rupturing, to known surroundings
throws me headfirst into a knowingness
My wellbeing has hard conversations
that bite the tongue of truth
heavy chest, betraying controlled breaths
a collection of rejections wet on my cheeks
My wellbeing is resilient
My wellbeing don’t need to prove nothing
Responds to indigenous healing
as a cup of tea after a mirimiri
Requires rest, needs a gentle place to rest its head
curls up in loved ones comfort
reimagines itself in the eye of the storm
is a world unbreaking itself
to re-remembering
My wellbeing is rebuilding balance
is Hauora
bravely finds all the scattered pieces
then raises its hand to ask for help
turns the bruising into a journey of healing
bold and brave 
and sometimes hard, but is learning
I am so much more than my hurt
My wellbeing breaks into generational trauma
knowing it is a taonga
to be passed down to my children’s children
is part of my nafa, whakapapa
My wellbeing maintains my whakapapa
is worthy, is seen, is loved
my wellbeing is love
is love reimagined
my wellbeing is your wellbeing
is reimagined wellbeing together
He tirohanga anamata

A boy with two sides, one wrapped in barbed wire with a raincloud over his head, the other with a Pacific necklace and a teardrop on his cheek. 

Anxiety happens when your brain thinks there might be something it needs to protect you from, even if there is no threat or danger. You might have felt like this when you had to talk in front of your class, before a try-out, during quiz/exam time or before a performance. Sometimes it can happen for no reason at all.

Even if anxiety is an uncomfortable feeling, it serves a purpose.

You could think about it like a smoke alarm. When a room fills with smoke, the smoke alarm doesn’t know where it’s coming from – it could be a house fire or it could just be the toaster! Either way, its sensors are triggered, the alarm goes off and makes everyone jump into action.

Your anxiety works the same way – your brain is saying something is wrong and it doesn’t know what, but it starts to react anyway and your body’s reactions are activated. When this is happening, your body is surging with a mix of chemicals designed to make you stronger, faster, more alert and more powerful so you can take the action your body needs to survive.

At times your anxiety may trigger something called the fight, flight or freeze response, where your brain tells you to protect yourself by fighting back, running away or freezing and trying not to stand out. This is normal and healthy and everyone has it, but when there is no danger you need to protect yourself from, the chemical fuel that is surging through you starts to build up and make you feel uncomfortable – you may get sweaty, shaky, feel tired, queasy or short of breath or feel your heart beating faster.

A bit of anxiety can be helpful, it can make you think more about the situation you’re in, and can motivate you to get things done or do your best. Most anxiety usually settles once the stressful situation has passed. When anxiety is at this level, you don’t need to do anything except focus on getting through the situation - these anxious thoughts and feelings will probably go away once it’s over.

If you need some practical ways to help you cope with these feelings, check out 

Anxiety is only a problem when you can’t cope with it - when those feelings get 

 that they stop you from doing things in your everyday life and make you feel miserable. If you find yourself at this point, it’s time to reach out for help. Start by talking to someone you trust about how you’re feeling, or reach out to 

Anxiety disorders occur when your anxiety takes over your life and stops you from doing things. They are diagnosed by a mental health professional, and can occur in different forms.

Getting a diagnosis is really important as once you know what kind of anxiety you have, you and your support team (your therapist or other mental health professional and other trusted people in your life) can work out a plan to treat it and help you recover.

 is when you feel anxious and worry heaps about everyday things, like “Was what I said in the group chat weird, are they going to think there’s something wrong with me?”or “I’m going to screw up in next week’s exam, I just can’t do it. It’s going to ruin my future”. You may find yourself replaying what’s stressing you over and over in your head and feel like you can’t let it go. You might be really hard on yourself about being perfect, fitting in and doing everything well. For some people, feelings of anxiety might become so overwhelming it can affect you physically.

Many people are also now struggling with 

. This is really common since the beginning of the pandemic, and is usually focused around feeling scared of catching covid or of passing it on to someone else, to the point where it’s dominating your thoughts and making you afraid to go out, to be in busy places or be near other people. Due to all the time we’ve spent at home and avoiding other people over the last few years, even if you’re not specifically scared of catching covid, you still might feel anxious and overwhelmed in public places and when someone gets in your personal space.

Some people with covid anxiety may experience 

, when your brain focuses in on what’s making you anxious so intensely that you start to panic and feel physical symptoms. If you think you have been experiencing anxiety attacks, head to 

 and practice the Deep Breathing and Muscle Relaxation techniques you’ll find there, and use them next time you think an anxiety attack is coming on. A mental health professional can also help you learn to control your anxiety attacks and reach a point where they no longer happen.

Another common type of anxiety disorder is 

. This can take over when you meet new people, have to speak in class, make phone calls or other situations where someone’s attention is on you.

Your fear of talking to strangers, having people stare at you, potentially embarrassing yourself or just having a conversation with someone you’re not comfortable with can be so intense that you can start avoiding these situations and not want to interact with other people.

 are a fear or anxiety that’s about something specific – like if you’re intensely scared of spiders, the dark or being in small spaces. These might sound harmless (and they often are) but for the person with the phobia it’s really tough. Most people who experience phobias aren’t harmed by them but if it starts to get in the way of living your life, you need to talk to someone you trust and ask them for help. 

However your anxiety feels, if this excessive worry gets in the way of your life, doesn’t go away or has physical effects on your body, that’s a sign that you should tell someone you trust about how you’re feeling and ask them for help. If you’re willing to see your doctor or a mental health professional, they can help you find ways to manage and eventually overcome your anxiety.

You’re not alone in what you’re feeling. Heaps of people experience anxiety and everyone finds it a tough thing to face. 

can take time and you’ll have some good and bad days, but managing and overcoming your anxiety is definitely possible.

It’s important to note that sometimes the person you talk to may not offer you the help and support you need, but don’t give up there. Try again with someone else. 

You are important, your experience is valid and just because someone doesn’t listen or give you the help you need doesn’t mean what you’re facing isn’t real.

If you don’t feel like you have anyone to talk to, try calling 

 to talk to someone who cares and can offer you support.

We all get stressed or anxious sometimes. It’s a very common and normal feeling that everyone experiences at different levels during different times in their lives.

Feeing anxious is common and a normal experience, but it can be overwhelming at times. Learn how to cope with anxiety at The Lowdown Aotearoa. 

Dealing with Anxiety | The Lowdown Aotearoa

Anxiety

Three guys are huddling in front of a triangle with golden Pacific patterns. In the middle of the triangle are two hands shaking. 

Having good friendships is really important to our happiness. It helps us to feel secure in our lives, gives us someone to talk to about whatever is on our mind, and gives us special people to hang out with and enjoy the things we like to do together. They can be someone you can talk to about the things you can’t share with anyone else – not even your family. A good friend is someone who’s there for you when you need support, and that’s important to have in your life.

One of the easiest way to find potential new friends is to think about the people who already exist in your wider life. Think friends of friends, the people you know at school but don’t really hang out with, or your sports teammates.

Try and identify a few of these people who you like and would want to be friends with, and follow them on Instagram, TikTok or Snapchat. Over the next little while, start engaging with their stories and content. If something they’ve posted is cool, give it a like. Try responding to one of their stories with a positive message or a question, and see if they engage with that – it could turn into a conversation.

If they respond to you in a friendly way, keep it up – try and start conversations about things they’re posting about, and from there, see if you can keep those conversations going into other topics.

You could say something like “Hey, have you seen Demon Slayer? I can’t wait for the new season!” and if they have, ask them another question related to the topic. If they haven’t, then ask them what they are into and see if there’s something else there you can connect on.

It can take time to build a connection with someone and it won’t always work – not everyone will be a good fit for you as a friend and not everyone will have room in their life or even want to be your friend, but that’s ok. Just like you probably know some people who just aren’t your type of person, you’re not going to be everyone else’s type and if you can recognise that that’s ok, it might save you feeling hurt unnecessarily. Don’t give up trying!

At times, too, you may lose friendships. This can be painful and make you question yourself and the relationship you had, but remember that friendships have seasons and many of the connections you find yourself developing with others aren’t meant to last. When you’re at a certain stage of your life you might connect really well with someone, but over time you both move on and grow in yourselves, you have less in common or less to say to each other, and find new friends. That’s ok.

It’s normal to feel sad and even grieve when you realise you’re not close with a former friend anymore, but try to think of the relationship as a positive thing in your life that you’re glad you got to enjoy, and now as you’ve grown, it’s time to look forward to what’s coming next.

Finding good friends to start with is really tough - especially ones you can trust and who help you see the best in yourself. Friends will come and go in your life but the really good ones stick with you and stick up for you no matter what.

It’s important to remember that you – exactly as you are – are enough and you are awesome. You don’t need to change yourself to make other people like you, and if your friends want you to change who you are and what you like in order to fit in, they may not be a positive part of your life. Stick to your values and don’t let a friend’s opinion change your identity and what you believe in.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t try to grow as a person though! At times our friends can help us become more aware of areas in which we could do better, and that’s a good thing. Just keep an eye on how they’re influencing you and whether the changes you make are making you feel like a happier, more evolved version of yourself or whether you’re starting to feel disconnected from yourself and your roots.

 - It is important not to trust people too easily, so take your time and make sure you know who someone really is before you fully trust them. If you make an online friend, ask them to video chat with you to confirm who they are. If they give you a lot of excuses and don’t want to, that’s a red flag and you need to be very careful about how you interact with them.

If you’re being asked for money or find yourself having to pay for everything when you’re out together, that’s a big red flag and you should re-evaluate that friendship and whether the person is taking advantage of you.

If you’re more introverted than others, it can be especially hard because putting yourself out there in new situations and talking to people you don’t know well can feel scary, stressful and exhausting. Reaching out and connecting with others, however, is the best way to resolve that gap in your life where you’re needing a friend.

If you find in-person interactions tough, it’s ok to use the internet to connect with new people as long as you’re safe. Instagram, Discord, Snapchat and other internet forums and social media platforms give us a place to meet people without the pressure of an in-person conversation or busy environment. Just be careful to make safe choices and never meet someone from the internet in person without bringing a buddy, and never share personal details like your address with someone until you’re sure you know who they are and that you can trust them.

It’s not all easy though, even the best friendships can also be difficult. We’re all different, unique people, so it’s natural that you’re not going to agree on everything. Even best mates have their ups and downs and sometimes they just don’t get you.

Problems with friends are normal. Everyone goes through it. But if your friends are giving you crap all the time, or they’re not accepting you for who you are or listening to what you have to say, it can start to affect the way you feel about yourself.

If you’re feeling like your friends don’t care about you, take a step back and think about why. Are they just really busy right now, or are they dealing with their own problems? Have you grown apart? Maybe they’re really just not being present with you, when you hang out?

It could be that your mates just aren’t the kind of people you need them to be. You can tell if someone is being a caring and present friend to you by looking at the actions they take –both big and small – that show they care.

If they’re talking behind your back in ways that hurt you, leaving you out of things, or saying unkind things to you then this is bullying. Yes, bullying can even come from the people you see as your friends.

Friendships can come in a variety of shapes and forms. You might have a close group of mates, a few individual friends who don’t really know each other, or even just one bestie. You might see them every day at school, once a week at practice, live close to each other or live in different countries and talk online.

However often you see your mates, continue to check in with yourself and your friends around whether your friendship is working for you both or not. Different people have different needs, and while one friend might need heaps of time to hang out, and others may just want to catch up every now and then.

But how do you tell if a friendship is positive?

Telling the truth, even when it can be hard to. You’re both open and honest about who you are when you’re with each other.

Building each other up, encouraging each other to live your best lives and wanting to see each other achieve.

Genuinely caring about each other. Being kind, respectful and not judging despite what’s going on in your lives.

Sticking with each other even when you make mistakes.

Understanding each other’s unique differences and not trying to change each other.

It’s important to remember that friends sometimes hurt each other, but you can always apologize and forgive. Sometimes it might be hard to swallow your pride, but it’s worth it to keep that person in your life.

In contrast, sometimes there are people who we think are our friends, but they actually don’t really care about us as much as they appear to. We need to be careful when having a friendship with these people as they can hurt us or cause problems in our lives.

A friend who is having a negative impact on you might be:

Not wanting you to spend time with your other friends or meet new people

Not willing to compromise in disagreements

Encouraging you to do things that might harm you or get you in trouble

If you think you have friends like this, it may be time to create some distance. Ending any friendship is never easy, but by choosing to see them less and creating space between you, it will allow you to take the time to see if the friendship is truly right for you.

Having good friends is important, but it’s also important to be a good friend to yourself. Be the type of ideal friend that you want to have, and people will be drawn to you and enjoy spending time with you.

When you’re trying to figure out who you are, your friends will play a big part. Think of your close friends and your family as your mirrors. It’s not always easy, but the best thing you can do is be true to yourself. That way when you’re around your friends, the reflection of yourself that you see back from them will be someone you admire, and not someone you don’t like.

If you’re finding that your friendships – or lack of them – is having an impact on your mental health, or you want to talk through any worries about friendships that you have, reach out to a trusted adult or mental health professional and share with them how you’re feeling. They can help you to navigate difficult situations and relationships and ensure that your mental health is supported.

Learn to navigate friendships and build strong, supportive relationships with The Lowdown Aotearoa.

Starting School

Starting a new school or level of education is exciting, but it also might be stressful and feel pretty weird and unfamiliar to you. You’re not alone in this – most of the people in your class are probably feeling or have felt the same way.

Tags

Up next