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The Lowdown

It can be caused by negative messages that we receive either directly or indirectly through prejudices or racism, or it can come from within ourselves when we put ourselves down and tell ourselves hurtful things.

Most of the time those feelings will pass and we’ll carry on with life, but sometimes they can hang around and develop into a more serious problem.

This is something that happens to everyone at times.

There is no single cause for mental health struggles - you could think of them as your mind’s response to having to deal with what happens to us in life and things that have happened to us in the past.

This term might sound intense or worrying to you because of what you’ve seen on Tiktok, TV and social media, but a person who has been diagnosed with mental illness is not broken, crazy or weird.

Mental illness is not forever. There are many kinds of mental illnesses and some only last a short time. Most mental illnesses can be treated and many people who are diagnosed with mental illnesses can live without their condition having much - or any - impact on their lives.

If you’re wondering if you might have a mental illness or just need to talk about how you’re feeling, you might want to have a conversation with someone you trust and ask them to support you in finding a mental health professional. Alternatively, head to 

 to get in touch with someone who can give you advice on what to do next or just listen and offer you support.

What if nobody accepts or understands how I’m feeling?

Sometimes our whānau or friends may not understand mental health. They may make you feel uncomfortable talking about what you’re experiencing, and you might find yourself wanting to keep it to yourself because you don’t think they’ll get it.

Many people don’t feel comfortable talking about people’s feelings at all, even the good ones, and it can be hard to break through that.

If you’re struggling with this, you need to know that what you’re feeling is real and just because they don’t understand or have the right response doesn’t mean that you should stop trying to talk about what’s going on. Look at your support network – who do you have in your life who you can really trust? Identify these people and remember that they’re there for you and want to help.

If you’re unable to connect with your family and friends about what you’re going through, don’t give up. There are people out there who understand and care – you might find support through your school counsellor, maybe through an online community, maybe even a leader in your church or the faith based community you’re a part of, or your doctor may be able to refer you to a mental health professional. If you’re unsure where to start and know you need to speak to someone, check out 

 to speak to a counsellor online or on the phone for free.

There are lots of things we can do to improve, maintain, and support our mental health, help our minds to feel well and help ourselves feel better if we’re experiencing uncomfortable emotions. These things won’t always prevent the hard times, but they can help you get through them. Check out 

We need to make conversations about mental health normal so that we know how to find support when they need it. If uncomfortable feelings affect our thoughts and behaviour in a way that hurts us or others, it’s important that we talk to someone we trust and ask for help.

If you’re thinking about harming yourself or are having suicidal thoughts, 

to talk to someone who cares and can support you.

We all feel a big range of emotions every day. There will be some emotions that feel good and some that we find uncomfortable. These feelings can come from things we have no control over like lockdowns, or whānau pressures.

Mental Health Challenges

A boy with two sides, one wrapped in barbed wire with a raincloud over his head, the other with a Pacific necklace and a teardrop on his cheek. 

Anxiety happens when your brain thinks there might be something it needs to protect you from, even if there is no threat or danger. You might have felt like this when you had to talk in front of your class, before a try-out, during quiz/exam time or before a performance. Sometimes it can happen for no reason at all.

Even if anxiety is an uncomfortable feeling, it serves a purpose.

You could think about it like a smoke alarm. When a room fills with smoke, the smoke alarm doesn’t know where it’s coming from – it could be a house fire or it could just be the toaster! Either way, its sensors are triggered, the alarm goes off and makes everyone jump into action.

Your anxiety works the same way – your brain is saying something is wrong and it doesn’t know what, but it starts to react anyway and your body’s reactions are activated. When this is happening, your body is surging with a mix of chemicals designed to make you stronger, faster, more alert and more powerful so you can take the action your body needs to survive.

At times your anxiety may trigger something called the fight, flight or freeze response, where your brain tells you to protect yourself by fighting back, running away or freezing and trying not to stand out. This is normal and healthy and everyone has it, but when there is no danger you need to protect yourself from, the chemical fuel that is surging through you starts to build up and make you feel uncomfortable – you may get sweaty, shaky, feel tired, queasy or short of breath or feel your heart beating faster.

A bit of anxiety can be helpful, it can make you think more about the situation you’re in, and can motivate you to get things done or do your best. Most anxiety usually settles once the stressful situation has passed. When anxiety is at this level, you don’t need to do anything except focus on getting through the situation - these anxious thoughts and feelings will probably go away once it’s over.

If you need some practical ways to help you cope with these feelings, check out 

Anxiety is only a problem when you can’t cope with it - when those feelings get 

 that they stop you from doing things in your everyday life and make you feel miserable. If you find yourself at this point, it’s time to reach out for help. Start by talking to someone you trust about how you’re feeling, or reach out to 

Anxiety disorders occur when your anxiety takes over your life and stops you from doing things. They are diagnosed by a mental health professional, and can occur in different forms.

Getting a diagnosis is really important as once you know what kind of anxiety you have, you and your support team (your therapist or other mental health professional and other trusted people in your life) can work out a plan to treat it and help you recover.

 is when you feel anxious and worry heaps about everyday things, like “Was what I said in the group chat weird, are they going to think there’s something wrong with me?”or “I’m going to screw up in next week’s exam, I just can’t do it. It’s going to ruin my future”. You may find yourself replaying what’s stressing you over and over in your head and feel like you can’t let it go. You might be really hard on yourself about being perfect, fitting in and doing everything well. For some people, feelings of anxiety might become so overwhelming it can affect you physically.

Many people are also now struggling with 

. This is really common since the beginning of the pandemic, and is usually focused around feeling scared of catching covid or of passing it on to someone else, to the point where it’s dominating your thoughts and making you afraid to go out, to be in busy places or be near other people. Due to all the time we’ve spent at home and avoiding other people over the last few years, even if you’re not specifically scared of catching covid, you still might feel anxious and overwhelmed in public places and when someone gets in your personal space.

Some people with covid anxiety may experience 

, when your brain focuses in on what’s making you anxious so intensely that you start to panic and feel physical symptoms. If you think you have been experiencing anxiety attacks, head to 

 and practice the Deep Breathing and Muscle Relaxation techniques you’ll find there, and use them next time you think an anxiety attack is coming on. A mental health professional can also help you learn to control your anxiety attacks and reach a point where they no longer happen.

Another common type of anxiety disorder is 

. This can take over when you meet new people, have to speak in class, make phone calls or other situations where someone’s attention is on you.

Your fear of talking to strangers, having people stare at you, potentially embarrassing yourself or just having a conversation with someone you’re not comfortable with can be so intense that you can start avoiding these situations and not want to interact with other people.

 are a fear or anxiety that’s about something specific – like if you’re intensely scared of spiders, the dark or being in small spaces. These might sound harmless (and they often are) but for the person with the phobia it’s really tough. Most people who experience phobias aren’t harmed by them but if it starts to get in the way of living your life, you need to talk to someone you trust and ask them for help. 

However your anxiety feels, if this excessive worry gets in the way of your life, doesn’t go away or has physical effects on your body, that’s a sign that you should tell someone you trust about how you’re feeling and ask them for help. If you’re willing to see your doctor or a mental health professional, they can help you find ways to manage and eventually overcome your anxiety.

You’re not alone in what you’re feeling. Heaps of people experience anxiety and everyone finds it a tough thing to face. 

can take time and you’ll have some good and bad days, but managing and overcoming your anxiety is definitely possible.

It’s important to note that sometimes the person you talk to may not offer you the help and support you need, but don’t give up there. Try again with someone else. 

You are important, your experience is valid and just because someone doesn’t listen or give you the help you need doesn’t mean what you’re facing isn’t real.

If you don’t feel like you have anyone to talk to, try calling 

 to talk to someone who cares and can offer you support.

We all get stressed or anxious sometimes. It’s a very common and normal feeling that everyone experiences at different levels during different times in their lives.

Anxiety

One boy is pulling another by the collar of his shirt aggressively. A girl is standing in front of them holding her phone, looking at a laughing emoji with a blank stare on her face.

Bullying is when someone repetitively and intentionally harms you, or goes out of their way to make sure you are unhappy. It comes in many different forms – physical, verbal, social and online– and is

Sometimes bullying can be system and come from people in positions of power such as teachers, parents, people in authority at work etc. This is still not ok and you don’t have to accept it. Talk to someone you trust and ask them for support in dealing with this. Here are some links that can help you know what to do:

It’s important to know what bullying can look like:

Hurting your body by kicking, pushing, tripping, hitting or any other form of touching you that you don’t want.

Saying or writing mean things such as threats or hurtful comments

Spreading rumours or sharing personal information about you

Purposefully excluding you from groups or activities

Creating anonymous social media accounts to post mean things online or to troll people

Stealing or damaging people’s belongings

It can be hard to understand why someone chooses to bully, but there can be a lot going on in their own lives that is causing them to make these choices.

When a school finds out that someone is bullying, it doesn’t just mean that that person will be punished. It gives their teachers or school counsellor the chance to try and find out what’s going wrong for that person and give them the support they need to heal and do better.

It is also possible that your school won’t react in that way, or offer you the support that you need. Not all schools are proactive about bullying or support all students equally.

As a Rainbow, Māori or Pasifika person, depending on where you live, you may be more likely to experience bullying in school and your school may be less supportive of you if that happens. If this happens to you, you may need to look for support somewhere else.

If you trust that your parents or caregivers will be supportive of you, talk to them. If you don’t feel like you can have that conversation with them, talk to someone who you trust – maybe a member of your whānau or someone in the rainbow community who will understand what you’re experiencing.

No matter the reason, all bullying is hurtful and wrong. 

It’s not your fault and you are not responsible for how they are treating you.

Dealing with bullying can be tough, and it’s not about fighting back or sucking it up.

There is no simple solution to handling bullying but 

Depending on how bad the bullying is (and only if you are in a safe position to do this) you might be able to try talking to the bully openly about how they’re making you feel. If one of your friends is bullying you, this might be enough to make them stop. It might help to practice this conversation with a friend and ask them to come with you for backup.

Speak up – tell someone you trust and report the bullying to an adult and/or to your school

Stay in a group of friends or ask a friend to pair up with you so that you’re not alone when moving around the school

 to reduce your anxiety or frustration if they’ve upset you

Take up a new activity like martial arts that will help you feel more empowered or confident in yourself

Talk to someone you trust about what is happening

Leave any group chats where the bullying is happening

Clean out your follower list – be ruthless!

Change your privacy settings on social media so that non-followers cannot see your profile or message you

If it’s important to you that your account stays public, take a break from social media for a while

Many people at some point have experienced being bullied. It’s important to remember that it’s not your fault and there is no reason to feel ashamed. You’re not alone.

Even though we’re all different, everyone deserves to be treated with respect. Be kind to yourself! Remember that it’s never acceptable to watch or record someone else get bullied or be a bully yourself.

If you think you may have been bullying someone

 and you want to change, remember that it’s as simple as making a choice. You have the power to choose to no longer act in that way.

If you have decided to do better in how you treat someone but you know that you have hurt them –it can be a powerful thing for you both if you apologise and ask for their forgiveness. They may not choose to forgive you and that is their right, but your apology will help both of you move on.

If you’re finding it tough to change your behaviour, don’t give up. Ask someone you trust for support or speak to your school counsellor – they can give you advice and support.

Putting up with other people’s bad days (like a friend being rude when they’re annoyed with you) sucks – but it’s part of life. What’s not OK is when someone sets out to make your life miserable.

Bullying

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