A girl with her hair in a bun is standing with her eyes closed with her hand on her heart and a pounamu necklace. Behind her are four inverted figures in black and white.

The Lowdown

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Each person’s grief is unique and everyone will experience it differently.

For some people this is what grief might look like:

 – right after a loss, it can be hard to accept what happened. You may feel numb or have trouble believing that the loss really happened.

 – You may have feelings of emptiness, despair, yearning or deep loneliness, and you may be so sad your body physically hurts. You might cry a lot or not at all, and both are normal.

 – After experiencing a loss, you may feel guilt or regret about many things such as what you did or didn’t say or do, even if there was nothing you could have done to change this.

 – even if the loss was nobody’s fault, you may feel angry and resentful. If you lost a loved one, you may be angry with yourself, God, the doctors or even the person who died.

 – a significant loss can trigger a lot of feelings of worry and fear. You may feel anxious, helpless or insecure.

Physical symptoms may occur including fatigue, nausea, lowered immunity, weight loss or weight gain, aches and pains or insomnia.

Everyone deals with grief in different ways, and we often underestimate just how long it will take to feel better. With grief there is no timeline – you can’t control how long it takes but you can find coping mechanisms to help you survive it.

Whatever your grief experience, it’s important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold. There are healthy 

 with the pain that you feel and to help you come to terms with your loss, find new meaning and eventually move on with your life.

if your grief is feeling overwhelming, itʻs good to talk to someone about it, rather than feeling like you have to keep your emotions to yourself.

Reach out to someone you trust and talk to them about how you’re feeling, or ask them to help you see a mental health professional who can support you in dealing with the heavy weight of these emotions. If you don’t have anyone in your life that you can talk to, the below list of websites can help you access support.

It’s important to note that sometimes the person you talk to may not offer you the help and support you need, but don’t give up. Try again with someone else – your struggles are important and just because someone doesn’t listen or give you the help you need doesn’t mean what you’re facing isn’t real.

 offers support and information to help you get through this.

Here is a link that may be helpful to understand the various types of grief.

If you’re thinking about harming yourself or are having suicidal thoughts, 

to talk to someone who cares and can support you.

Grief is a normal part of life. It’s a natural reaction to losing someone or something that you love or hold value to. You may feel grief when you have experienced the death of a person or animal you love or care about, the end of a relationship or friendship or the loss of an opportunity or a place that’s important to you.

Grief and Loss

A boy falling onto a trampoline which is split in half, one side with a lady blowing smoke and alcohol being poured over him. The other half is kids playing outside at a birthday party. 

We’re not going to tell you that’s ok - drug use and heavy drinking 

 harmful and can cause you serious damage, but we know that you may be experimenting regardless, so it’s important that you know how to be safe and protect yourself from harm.

Check out the Drug Foundation’s rules for safer drug use 

If drugs and alcohol become a larger part of your life this could gradually increase your chances of facing struggles with your mental health.

The thing is, you might feel good at the time but in the days or weeks after a big night you may often feel worried, down and sometimes your sense of reality can be affected. That’s because the alcohol and/or drugs have changed the balance of chemicals that help your brain think, feel, create or make decisions.

Here are some ways that excessive drinking of alcohol or taking drugs could impact your life:

Struggling to eat normally and care for yourself

You may find yourself damaging or losing relationships with people you care about

Even if you know that using these substances isn’t good for you, sometimes it’s hard to say ‘no’ when all your mates are getting on it. If you’re doing things you don’t enjoy just to fit in with your friends, that’s worth thinking about a bit more. If you’re old enough to drink, 

If you’re thinking about quitting and don’t think you can resist the offer or pressure when you’re around certain people, be honest with your friends and ask for their support. If they’re not on board with you quitting, try taking a time out from those activities with them and hang out with other people who share similar interests but don’t use the drugs and/or alcohol you’re trying to avoid.

There are less harmful ways of feeling good. Making choices that put your safety first doesn’t have to be boring or hard!

If you think that your drinking or drug use might be a bit too much, reach out to a professional or someone you trust and ask them for help.

Here is a link to support if your family or someone you love is struggling with addiction.

There are lots of reasons you might want to drink alcohol or take drugs. It could be to have fun when you’re with friends, to relax and take your mind off things, you might be feeling peer pressure or maybe you’re just interested in them and want to try it out and experiment. For some people, your first experience of alcohol or drug use may be with your family.

Alcohol and Drugs

One boy is pulling another by the collar of his shirt aggressively. A girl is standing in front of them holding her phone, looking at a laughing emoji with a blank stare on her face.

Bullying is when someone repetitively and intentionally harms you, or goes out of their way to make sure you are unhappy. It comes in many different forms – physical, verbal, social and online– and is

Sometimes bullying can be system and come from people in positions of power such as teachers, parents, people in authority at work etc. This is still not ok and you don’t have to accept it. Talk to someone you trust and ask them for support in dealing with this. Here are some links that can help you know what to do:

It’s important to know what bullying can look like:

Hurting your body by kicking, pushing, tripping, hitting or any other form of touching you that you don’t want.

Saying or writing mean things such as threats or hurtful comments

Spreading rumours or sharing personal information about you

Purposefully excluding you from groups or activities

Creating anonymous social media accounts to post mean things online or to troll people

Stealing or damaging people’s belongings

It can be hard to understand why someone chooses to bully, but there can be a lot going on in their own lives that is causing them to make these choices.

When a school finds out that someone is bullying, it doesn’t just mean that that person will be punished. It gives their teachers or school counsellor the chance to try and find out what’s going wrong for that person and give them the support they need to heal and do better.

It is also possible that your school won’t react in that way, or offer you the support that you need. Not all schools are proactive about bullying or support all students equally.

As a Rainbow, Māori or Pasifika person, depending on where you live, you may be more likely to experience bullying in school and your school may be less supportive of you if that happens. If this happens to you, you may need to look for support somewhere else.

If you trust that your parents or caregivers will be supportive of you, talk to them. If you don’t feel like you can have that conversation with them, talk to someone who you trust – maybe a member of your whānau or someone in the rainbow community who will understand what you’re experiencing.

No matter the reason, all bullying is hurtful and wrong. 

It’s not your fault and you are not responsible for how they are treating you.

Dealing with bullying can be tough, and it’s not about fighting back or sucking it up.

There is no simple solution to handling bullying but 

Depending on how bad the bullying is (and only if you are in a safe position to do this) you might be able to try talking to the bully openly about how they’re making you feel. If one of your friends is bullying you, this might be enough to make them stop. It might help to practice this conversation with a friend and ask them to come with you for backup.

Speak up – tell someone you trust and report the bullying to an adult and/or to your school

Stay in a group of friends or ask a friend to pair up with you so that you’re not alone when moving around the school

 to reduce your anxiety or frustration if they’ve upset you

Take up a new activity like martial arts that will help you feel more empowered or confident in yourself

Talk to someone you trust about what is happening

Leave any group chats where the bullying is happening

Clean out your follower list – be ruthless!

Change your privacy settings on social media so that non-followers cannot see your profile or message you

If it’s important to you that your account stays public, take a break from social media for a while

Many people at some point have experienced being bullied. It’s important to remember that it’s not your fault and there is no reason to feel ashamed. You’re not alone.

Even though we’re all different, everyone deserves to be treated with respect. Be kind to yourself! Remember that it’s never acceptable to watch or record someone else get bullied or be a bully yourself.

If you think you may have been bullying someone

 and you want to change, remember that it’s as simple as making a choice. You have the power to choose to no longer act in that way.

If you have decided to do better in how you treat someone but you know that you have hurt them –it can be a powerful thing for you both if you apologise and ask for their forgiveness. They may not choose to forgive you and that is their right, but your apology will help both of you move on.

If you’re finding it tough to change your behaviour, don’t give up. Ask someone you trust for support or speak to your school counsellor – they can give you advice and support.

Putting up with other people’s bad days (like a friend being rude when they’re annoyed with you) sucks – but it’s part of life. What’s not OK is when someone sets out to make your life miserable.

Bullying

Here's a list of content based around the topic of tough times at The Lowdown.

Want to build and care for your mental health and well-being through Pasifika approaches? Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Grief can be a painful process. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Your mental health is essential to your overall well-being and is just as important as your physical health. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Finding school tough? Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Want to learn to build and care for your hauora through Te Ao Māori approaches? Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Who you are and what you think about yourself has a big impact on the way you feel about life. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

It's normal to feel anxious sometimes. But if you're finding it hard to cope, find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown. 

Want to learn more about depression and mental distress? Find support, connect and learn at The Lowdown.

It can be difficult to identify and express thoughts and feelings. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Expression through creativity can have a positive impact on your mental health and well-being. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Bullying in any form can take a huge toll on your mental and physical well-being. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown. 

Coping with stress can be overwhelming especially for a young person. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Friendships can have a big impact on your mental health and well-being, but they're not always easy to create or maintain. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Dealing with loss can be one of life's hardest challenges. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Struggling to manage your anger? Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown. 

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Supporting others can be very powerful for both parties involved. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

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In today's world, it can be easy to become overwhelmed. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

If you're having suicidal thoughts, you need to seek help now. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Troubled by constant worries and need tips to help stay calm? Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

The relationships we have with our family can have a huge impact on mental health and well-being. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Your ability to connect with others in a healthy way plays an important part in your mental health and well-being. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Abuse is never OK and there are no excuses for it. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Pressure can come in many forms, but with support we can get through the tough times. Find support, connect and learn at The Lowdown.

Having study trouble? Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Life has its ups and it also has its downs. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

The relationships we have with our whānau can have a huge impact on mental health and well-being. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Staying well is vital for your mental health and well-being. Struggling? Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

If guilt isn't addressed, it's unlikely to go away. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Spoken Word is a great medium to deal with 'these feelings' you might be having. Find support, connect and learn more on the Lowdown.

Death is a certainty in life, though it doesn't mean you'll ever be prepared to deal with it. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

The topic of stigma around mental health can often lead to feelings of shame. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Struggling with your mental health? Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Coping with a breakup can be rough. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Youth often don't get the mental health support they need because they don't know where to start. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Having a supportive community can help make a positive impact on your mental health and well-being. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Relationships often require a lot of work to grow and can be quite complicated at times. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Feeling lost? You are not alone in these feelings. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Starting a new school? Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Navigating the dating world? Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown

Want to know more about body dysmorphia? Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown. 

Work troubles getting you down, or need tips around getting into the workforce? Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

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Your ability to connect with others plays an important part in mental health and  well-being. If you're struggling with unhealthy relationships, find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Struggling with how you feel about your body weight? Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Want to learn more about eating disorders like anorexia? Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Need support relating to drug use or just want to know more about safe choices? Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Want to know more about phobias and anxiety? Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Learning about someone else's lived experience might help you gain the information you need. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Disabilities can impact our lives in many ways. Find support, connect and learn at The Lowdown.

Dance is a way to express difficult thoughts and feelings you might be experiencing. Find support, connect and learn more on the Lowdown.

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Coping with shock can be a difficult process. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Want to learn more about orientation? Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Need support relating to alcohol use or just want to know more about safe choices? Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

The relationships we have with our aiga can have a huge impact on mental health and well-being. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Gender isn't a label, it's a fluid and beautiful piece of our identity. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Want to learn more about eating disorders like bulimia? Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

No matter what you're experiencing in your relation to your sexuality, there is no need to go through it alone. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

Pregnancy can be exciting and scary at the same time. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

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Want to know more about consent and the role it plays in keeping us safe? Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

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#ToughTimes

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