The Lowdown

In 'A Body Apology', 16-year-old Angelina Faupula addresses the struggles that we face to accept our bodies with their flaws and differences, the impact of a society that tells us that only their version of 'perfect' is acceptable. 

In 'A Body Apology', Angelina Faupula addresses the struggles that we face to accept our bodies with their flaws and differences, the impact of a society that tells us that only their version of 'perfect' is acceptable.

A Body Apology - Angelina Faupula | The Lowdown Aotearoa

A Body Apology - Angelina Faupula

Iho u’afa sisu kalaisi
in his name 
formless yet formed us 
in his image

But the image I see is not what I like 
And these thighs i see are too big 
And this face i have is not small enough 
And the stomach that I have is not small enough
Expect me to trust a mirror that only sees skin deep 
A mirror that responds only with what it sees 
But doesn’t learn how i've carried myself 

Confusion stench 
Wondering why people mock 
Gods greatest creation 
Judgemental outcomes of envious lions 
And tigers claw scratches 
On our hips 

The reflection of the sea 
Embedded deeply into my skin 
That rips through 
This sacred temple 

Sacred 
‒‒a word only given to women 
To hide the fact they do not want you to see all of them 
Tremble in fear incase giving pieces of them will break a part of us 

To camouflage this God given gift 
they replace with hate they have for this body 
The same body that's carried the weight of my heart 
Even when my legs were giving up 

But even still
We criticise this imperfection that makes even the angels jealous 
My body scarred with more comment than scars 
I’ve apologised more times in my head then i have out loud 
But i get you’ve never gotten an official apology 

So I apologise to this body that was made by god
But still somehow not made to feel like it was enough
I apologise to this body for the moments I have forgotten to give gratitude
To the quiet times it has held me up

I apologise to this body for all the lies that I took as truths

My body is not an apology
And I will no longer apologise

Tapu Vā

Brown Girls Have Sex Too creator and sexual health educator Anatola joins us to talanoa more about her mahi facilitating safe spaces for conversations around sexual health. She shares more about her interview with RenewsNZ, in which she addresses misconceptions about the hymen and debunks sex myths like the white sheet ceremony, which have been practised in some Tongan and Kiribati communities since colonial times and more. Anatola also encourages more young Pasifika women to consider roles in sexual health spaces because there is such a demand for them in the field.

Tapu Vā - Anatola

A group of Pasifika from the 09’ Tāmaki Makaurau join us to talanoa about sexual health. They cover a wide range of topics, including some common Pasifika myths and their relationship with colonialism, their own experiences with ‘the talk’ and the sexual toxic traits prevalent in our Pasifika sports communities. The group also delves into an overarching theme of changing the narrative surrounding how Pasifika approach sexual health, as well as some ideas for removing the stigma or tapu from the subject so it can be openly talked about.

Tapu Vā - Auckland Talanoa

We’re joined by Matt, who gives us insights about his mahi as a sexual health promoter for Te Kaha O Te Rangatahi. Matt shares about the concept of consent and how it should be addressed more often because it can be a grey area in our Pasifika communities. Matt emphasises the importance of discussing healthy communication and relationships in order to create that vā, that ‘safe space’ for whānau and future generations. He also has a special message at the end for his teenage self about sexual health.

Matt, a sexual health promoter from Te Kaha O Te Rangatahi, shares insights on promoting sexual health in Pasifika communities. Learn about consent, healthy communication, and creating safe space for whānau and future generations.

Tapu Vā: Matt Talks Sexual Health | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

Tapu Vā - Matt

We talanoa with sexual health promoter Samora about her upbringing and her own experience with coming out as her authentic self. She shares her expertise on the relationship between sexual health and Pasifika culture, highlighting how thoughts and attitudes around the connection between the two are strongly influenced by faith, pride and image. Samora also shares some important advice for Pasifika parents who are interested in learning more.

Tapu Vā - Samora

Three Pasifika District Health Board workers from Hastings join us to share their views on sexual health. They talanoa about the idea of reframing cultural beliefs, such as the Samoan word ‘tautua’ (service to aiga or any individual to a greater cause), in a way that suits sexual health, the difference between discussing the topic with parents vs. schoolmates and the barriers to discussing sexual health within your whānau, as well as ideas on how to overcome them.
 

Join three Pasifika District Health Board workers from Hastings as they discuss their views on sexual health. Learn about reframing cultural beliefs, discussing sexual health and whānau and schoolmates, and overcoming barriers to promote sexual health. 

Tapu Vā: Pasifika Workers Talk Sexual Health | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

Tapu Vā - Hastings Talanoa

A person is looking up. They're made up of different words, drawings, and island flags to form their facial and body features.

Your identity is shaped by many different factors:

The way you look – skin colour, body shape, hair, eyes, height, sex characteristics etc.

Your gender identity and gender expression

Your ethnicity – your family and where they come from, where you were born, where you have lived and where you live now, your languages and your accent.

Your culture – your customs, practices and world views 

Your beliefs – your religion, morals and what matters to you.

What you do – how you express yourself creatively, what you do for work, how you like to live, exercise, have fun and relax.

Your dreams – who you want to be and what you want to do.

What you think about yourself has a big impact on the way you feel about life. Your identity holds importance because it gives you a sense of purpose and belonging. It impacts the way you think, the words you use, what matters to you, your actions and your relationships with others.

Sometimes you can also lose sight of your identity. Perhaps people have attached labels to you that differ from how you see yourself. Maybe your family hold certain expectations of you around what career you choose or what religious beliefs you must hold.

Maybe your gender or sexuality is different to others around you, and it’s difficult to tell people about your experiences or find friends who can help you understand key pieces of your identity.

Perhaps you just realise that who you saw yourself as previously doesn’t feel like you anymore. That’s pretty common too.

It’s important to remember that this is just a stage of your life, and over time you will become confident in yourself again. These changes can also be really positive for us so it might be helpful to see this period as an evolution of who you are, becoming closer to your ultimate self.

Sometimes parts of who you are may feel like they’re in conflict with each other.

This is completely normal – it sucks, but it’s okay to feel that way and it’s also okay to take your time in exploring how you can introduce who you are as a whole into certain parts of your life. 

You don’t have to fix or change yourself for anyone and you don’t have to hide who you are unless you want to.

This is your journey and you can take it at your own pace – you get to decide when, how and with whom you share your full authentic self.

If you’re struggling with your identity, it can be really tough on your mental health. It’s important to not struggle with this alone, so reach out to someone you trust to talk about how you’re feeling so that they can support you.

If you’re thinking about harming yourself or are having suicidal thoughts, 

to talk to someone who cares and can support you.

Identity is at the core of who you are as an individual and as a member of groups in society. Your identity is unique and fluid – who you are now may be different to who you are tomorrow, next year and in your future. It can also be incredibly confusing. It can take a long time to figure out who you feel you are, and you may find yourself finding and then feeling like you have lost your identity many times through your life. 

Your identity is unique and can change over time. Discover more about who you are and how to navigate the complexities of your identity with The Lowdown Aotearoa.

Exploring Your Identity | The Lowdown Aotearoa

Your Identity

A young woman with long black hair, a large black shirt and sunglasses stands in front of a house and speaks to the camera.

Mana Pasifika

Aigagalefili Fepulea'i-Tapua'i expresses her passion for the South Auckland, the place she calls home and champions what it means to a young rangatahi Pasifika in COVID times.

Mana Pasifika: South Auckland to the World | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

South Auckland to the World

Saute Aukilani sings me to sleep with the sound of siren jams.
Cos who needs fairytales when we have starriez
as old and coarse as my father's hands.
They say we're dirty.
But pick up a history lesson
and you'll find our blood on their hands.
We're an afterthought.
The aftermath of gentrification of the inner city
and yet still, I'd never trade the big hearts and warm smiles
for houses that look pretty.
Even lockdown can't shake what we have on lock.
So I bet them keyboard warriors are mad they can't recolonise our community
Mad that our spirits don't break under the scrutiny
They thrive on our downfall
But would collapse without us.
When my 65-year old aunty wakes up at 4
to be an essential worker.
But you won't see that on the news.
Cos NZ Herald comment sections
don't know what we know to be true.
Cos what's money compared to mana,
when no silver spoon could reflect the waves of our Moana?
So if you wanna know?
Come take a look for yourself.
Hear blessings slapped across fresh fades.
See the glowing melanin on smiling girls.
Cos no matter what anyone says,
it will always be
South Auckland to the world.

An aerial drone shot of Ōtara Town Centre.

Poet Grace Iwashita-Taylor expresses what it means to identify in Pasifika in modern COVID times. A powerful spoken word piece that embodies the Saute Aukilani mindset. Music from Brandon Haru.

Expressing ourselves is one way that we are able to reimagine our wellbeing together. Enjoy a creative piece written by Grace Iwashita-Taylor and performed by All-star Ngawati-Salaivao with music by Brandon Huru.

Mana Pasifika: Wellness is Community | The Lowdown NZ

Wellness is Community

In an uncertain world, your body can tremble
hustling just to survive
masina pull on the vasa, causing tides you cannot control
when stillness is too far stretched
and your breath is shallow in your chest
to settle your body
it takes a visit, to self, to aiga
to familiar food cooking on the stove, in your home
within a village of safety.
But
when the safety of that home becomes target
when brown is named scapegoat for blame
when your home is the birthplace of the essential workers
keeping a whole nation moving
frontline and front facing a virus yet, still smiling.
When putting yourself at risk, means income
means cupboards not empty and bills paid.
When someone comes from this village mentality
it's not helpful to ask them to heal alone
because it takes a village to be well.
The atamai of the vā
between the village within you
and the village surrounding you.
For children of the moana
wellness, is collective
is listening to the ocean in YOU
and the ocean in WE
wellness is navigation
is tending to our elderly
wellness is balance
is alofa, is love
wellness is a ritual of alofa
wellness is a radical act of love
wellness is village
is honouring your breath
for a collective shared breath
never bloomed but forever blooming
wellness is US.

The logo of the Sounds of La Salle band with various musical instruments in the background.

The boys from Sounds of La Salle create a powerful track around reaching out and checking in on our brothers to make sure they are ok. Written and performed by the Sounds of La Salle band.

The boys from Sounds of La Salle create a powerful track on reaching out and checking in our brothers to make sure they're okay. 

Mana Pasifika: "Dear Brother" - SOLS | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

"Dear Brother" - SOLS

Hey Uce
I know you find it hard to speak
thinking this act of speaking up will only make you weak
Kaukala mai 
I know we were taught to be strong
And I mean all affection implanted into this song
I'm here for you
E ui iga kigā lau faku
I just can't stand to see you hurt 
Kaumafai gagā magakau
I know you're feenin and you're feeling for some love 
So you keep dreaming uce 
I've seen it in your tears there's so much pain
Kakou ola ma le magakau e fu’e I kakou le fusipau 
If we ever decided to let it rain, 
but I'm just sayin
I love you uce and I don’t want you hurting yourself
As this facade of being strong only hurts your mental health
But take your time uce
Take all the time and space you need
Just text up when you're ready.
I see you sitting there
Catching your tear drops in your hands
Hiding behind that mask
Crying out when will this all end
You don’t have to struggle in silence
You’re more stronger than you seem
We can both get through this temporary suffering
At every tunnel's end
Just know that there is light 
Know that you got a friend
Just know that everything will be alright
Alright
You don’t have to struggle in silence
You’re more stronger than you seem
We can both get through this temporary suffering 
You don’t have to struggle in silence
You’re more stronger than you seem
We can both get through this temporary suffering 
You don’t have to struggle in silence
You’re more stronger than you seem
We can both get through this temporary suffering 
You don’t have to struggle in silence
You’re more stronger than you seem
We can both get through this temporary suffering 
At every tunnel's end
Just know that there is light 
Know that you got a friend
Just know that everything will be alright
Alright

Grafitti artist on a ladder with his back to us painting a giant mural. 

Monty shares his inspiring story through depression and the creative outlets he uses to better his mental wellbeing.

Monty shares his inspiring store of his journey through depression and the creative outlets he uses to better his mental wellbeing. 

Mana Pasifika: Monty's Journey with Depression | The Lowdown Aotearoa

Monty Shares his Journey with Depression

I am Monty Collins,
I am the director of SDO Custom Designs
and we're based out here in Mangere, South Auckland.
We're basically a company that does logos, murals
and uniforms and garments, basically anything.
I think for the first Covid, that was a stressful time
There was potential business happening
Everything was starting to flow
and then (snap)
all of a sudden, you’re getting notices, like emails
"sorry we can't do this", "sorry we can't do this",
"sorry we can't do this".
For us, well, for me personally
I just had to sit in my corner
and in my own little mind space and
somewhat, just look past it
and just realize, look, everyone is going through a hard time.
Me personally, I got depression so,
it didn’t help, you know like, my business,
my artwork, is my stress relief
and to hear that potential business was going
that stressed me out.
The things that went through me head were
my family,
food,
rent,
especially rent, you know.
At the same time, just working on what we can do
so we started doing preorders for hoodies and all that stuff
and it was really good
that helped put some, ease that, there’s still potential out there.
Our people we're, we are vocal
but we're not emotionally vocal or mentally vocal.
When I say mentally vocal,
I think the words depression, mental health,
mental illness is not in our vocab
You know how it is, it's basically like
Toughen up, you know, blah blah
but they don’t realize that it’s an actual condition
and some people, even though they toughen it out
sometimes they don't live to see the next day,
cause it just gets too much,
and I've lost a few friends from it
purely because either
one, they don’t want to put on their act that they need help,
two, they don’t know who to talk to,
three, they've just changed so much because
of the metal state that they've had
that they hide, you know and then
if you don't keep in contact with those ones
you will never see them again.
I think there should be a massive awareness about
peoples mental state
especially within the lockdown and the stresses of,
expensive housing and minimum wage and
just getting food on the table
is sometimes stressful for people.
It's the reason why I want to do my bit
within this campaign
and express it the way I know how to
and that's with art.
I've been given a wall out in Otara
and certain cultures, a Tiki is somewhat a symbol of strength
and what I've done there is I've done a laughing Tiki
saying cheers, with the kava cup
because the kava bowl is utilized as a
device for conversation amongst men
it's the way men communicate back in the day
You know, clap twice you get another cup
makes it easier to talk
the waves represent Covid and the hardships
that everyone's going through
and basically, what I am trying to portray is that
there's always light at the end of the tunnel
just gotta stand strong and communicate more with your families.

Three dancers standing in front of a darkened screen with the title wording above them.

Welcome to your Lowdown. A place to express, create and learn about your own mental wellbeing. 

Welcome tothe Lowdown. A place where you can express, create and learn about mental wellbeing. 

Your Lowdown | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

Your Lowdown

I've spent so long trying to right my wrongs 
With every line spit a new envisionment of a poem 
Guess that's what I get for trying to fix all this on my own 
Like I'm tripping on emotions trying to move on alone 
But even that depends still 
I really 
Spend so long trying to right my wrongs 
And that I try write and recite
A stutter of the tongue they come out short
A product of pay tolls
My shortcomings only raise and my rage told me
And my emotions are still trying to catch up sometime
And destiny still hasn’t got that time rolled in
That escapade slowly fades forwards
Or I misplayed, treating my heartbreaks like an art form 
On display, 
waiting on my reign like a downpour 
And this may lead to me portraying a dark horse 
Try to get it up the right way, 
I was raised in the south, poor 
Life's a fight or that's just something I'm told 
Keep your head down and learn how to roll with the blows 
And only punch up if you aim for the throat 
Cos you will get rocked just for thinking you're bold 
So give me OSCARS, my performance was impeccable 
Became a wordsmith to keep crying out of my schedule 
Followed in footsteps now fresh prints are undetectable 
My trauma being plated... only because I made it all digestable 
Kept it a G
I couldn’t come up with the pesos
I’m blessed that babyfaces kept my fire lit
Been through more than two L’s
Yet J has taught me how to keep my cool
Music melded my mana made mafagafaga
I take a break
Take a breath with no hope in it
Made so many poems I think I destroyed my own image 
Disconnect from all my trauma so I can cope with it 
Now I can't feel sad the same because I wrote with it 
My mental state messing up the state of this house
Home. Roof. Rental Space
And with a rugged rough roof
Everything under that lays stays cold
Though sometime me and my mental race 
Is often paced slow
Flow switch when I'm most withered, don't reach out 
Xanny'll go phantom and ghost it, 
I freak out 
But then I'll make a poetry post with it and geek out 
Funny how spoken word is the only time that I speak out 

I’ve spent so long trying to heal
But all I can do is seal my emotions in an ongoing wheel
storing it all up hoping time will steal
the pain away.
 I’m a healer 
But not for myself 
cause the Fa’a Sāmoa way 
says service to others will make everything okay.
So maybe today I’ll help someone find their way 
Cause maybe if I pay
it forward I’ll be met halfway 
by the smiles I see on faces everywhere.
But I’m uncertain cause 
I’ve fallen into a dark pattern of people pleasing 
where being satisfied by applause is the closest, I get to feeling affection.
I wanna feel affection 
maybe that’s all I ever wanna feel
just real
love 
and after a day of hard shove 
I want to fall into the same arms that birthed me 
and be reminded 
it’s okay
try again 
rewrite this poem without the traumatic experience of self-betrayal 
replace it with the way you are dramatic and unapologetic in your own self portrayal.
Because the only way to overcome hate
and break through that mental gate 
is to love.

A man in a Los Angeles cap and denim jacket sits in the centre of the screen, talking to the camera.

Allister shares his powerful story of surviving tough times with his mental health and circumstances in his life.

All-star shares his powerful story of surviving tough times with his mental health and circumstances in his life. 

Mana Pasifika: Allister's Journey with Mental Health | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

Allister's Journey with Mental Health

I've been fortunate enough to pioneer hip hop dance in New Zealand
with Dziah Dance Crew
which was back in 2003
we were the first team to come back from
the Hip Hop Championships in Los Angeles at the time
Now we have like, 12, 13 crews going every single year,
which is, which is a bit of a buzz
but, at the time, we were just trying to make a name for ourselves
and very fortunate to go from Dziah to then start
our team that we have now, which is Prestige Dance Crew.
We got sponsored by Lee, by Nike
we got sponsored by Adidas for a few years
which was mind-blowing for a kid that dropped out of school
and I didn’t even have Adidas shoes myself
and now to be considered the All Blacks of dance in 2006
it was too much for myself.
We also didn’t have mentors at that time,
we were getting gigs left, right and centre
like, people wanting us here, which was really cool,
but we didn’t know what to do with it
I’m gutted, but I'm also about trusting in the process
and understanding that life takes you where
you need to go but,
in terms of capitalizing on that moment
I guess the learning for me was to understand
that, moving forward now,
but we've had to do lots of learning,
lots and lots and lots of learning.
I'm also a secondary teacher, been teaching out at
Manurewa High School for the last 5 years.
There’s been lots of like, in terms of just myself personally,
the wellbeing stuff, in terms of what I was going through
dance, what saved my life
without dance then I would have, I guess
been the stereotype, the stigma, the what everyone said,
what everyone says of South Auckland kids.
But fortunate that it didn’t happen, it didn’t go that way,
I stuck to dance,
I was fortunate enough to have the right people around me at the right times.
Its a difficult subject man, its difficult because,
everybody has their own personal view on it,
and just for myself like,
over the last 3 years I've been dealing with it intensely
so intense focus, really understanding it for myself
trying to unpack it, speaking to the people I need to that I need to speak that have,
the skillsets to be able to give me the frames and the understandings
but still a lot of it is you as an individual still kind of journeying through so,
thirty years of trauma for myself,
and I’m only 35, like three decades from when I was 5,
to now be 35, its, even though I was doing significant, cool, exciting things
inside I felt like I was in a jail,
inside I didn’t feel anyone cared,
inside I didn’t feel anyone loved,
but then I was purely on my own personal journey.
From physical, to mental, to sexual,
all of those sort of abusive behaviours that kind of happened to me was,
something that, really effected me as an individual,
I’m just grateful that there were other family members that,
even though they knew I was,
I was kind of crazy, I was going through like,
emotional rollercoasters, I was up and down as a kid,
I moved between so many different homes
because I was considered, crazy.
Dance came through, it helped, definitely saved my life
I'm just trying to focus on me so I can be, I guess, the best version
for my boys, for my wife, for my colleagues, for the teams I'm apart of,
You know, just to be on and so that people that see us
they understand that, yes we aren’t perfect,
but we can do whatever we want.
I just think if people can focus on the day,
especially if your in it, like if its raw, if its,
and you haven’t been able to speak to it,
talk to someone, definitely talk to someone,
reach out, speak to someone that’s close to you
to ask for help, for some organizations.
Please, that’s what I would offer, is to speak to someone.


In the middle of the day, a man sits on a chair in front of a pond, staring directly at the camera. Holding his hands over his chest in an emotive way.

Expressing ourselves is one way that we are able to reimagine our Wellbeing together. A creative piece written by Grace Iwashita-Taylor, performed by Allister Ngawati-Salaivao with music from Brandon Haru.

Expressing ourselves is one way that we are able to reimagine our wellbeing together. Enjoy a creative piece written by Grace Iwashita-Taylor and performed by All-star Ngawati-Salaivao with music by Brandon Haru.

Mana Pasifika: Wellbeing Reimagined | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

Wellbeing Reimagined

My wellbeing meets the world shifting
tilting, flips me sideways into unknown waters
confronts the rupturing, to known surroundings
throws me headfirst into a knowingness
My wellbeing has hard conversations
that bite the tongue of truth
heavy chest, betraying controlled breaths
a collection of rejections wet on my cheeks
My wellbeing is resilient
My wellbeing don’t need to prove nothing
Responds to indigenous healing
as a cup of tea after a mirimiri
Requires rest, needs a gentle place to rest its head
curls up in loved ones comfort
reimagines itself in the eye of the storm
is a world unbreaking itself
to re-remembering
My wellbeing is rebuilding balance
is Hauora
bravely finds all the scattered pieces
then raises its hand to ask for help
turns the bruising into a journey of healing
bold and brave 
and sometimes hard, but is learning
I am so much more than my hurt
My wellbeing breaks into generational trauma
knowing it is a taonga
to be passed down to my children’s children
is part of my nafa, whakapapa
My wellbeing maintains my whakapapa
is worthy, is seen, is loved
my wellbeing is love
is love reimagined
my wellbeing is your wellbeing
is reimagined wellbeing together
He tirohanga anamata

Want to build and care for your mental health and well-being through Pasifika approaches? Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

#Pasifika

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