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Divorce

Last post by Jezz 15 days ago

Jezz >> 23/08/2010 8:34pm

Everything just fell apart really quickly. My parents announced their divorce 3 years ago I thought i would have been over it by now but of all the people I thought they would be the ones to make a marriage work. After the divorce my dad moved to australia, my sister always fights with me even though we used to be best friends, i only see my dad about once a year. I feel i'll never be as happy as i was before. i'm so tired and sad all the time because my family was the one thing that i seemed to have in my life. I recently started failing maths which has never happened. Anyone know how i'm feeling? anyone offer some good advice?

Mother of 3 studying, Postnatal depression???

1 Reply Last post by Jay_JWLH 16 days ago

mo27 >> 22/08/2010 9:55pm

I have just come to the conclusion that I may be depressed...I'm in my 2nd year of study and fell pregnant with my 3rd baby in my first year. I went back after he was only two weeks, its now been 6months and I've noticed alot of change in my life my attitude toward my children, my partner and my family. Some days I feel like I just wana walk out on them and never return. I understand that its normal to feel a little pressure from studies but this is just a whole new feeling altogether, not interested in socialising, sports speaking with friends. I can see my children are feeling my frustrations what can I do?

Replies:

Jay_JWLH >> 23/08/2010 3:20pm

I can understand your need to just get away, and escape your life. Things must be so stressful having to spend all of your time either trying to get an education, looking after your children, or just managing everything else you are responsible for like bills. Every once in a while, you alone, or you and your partner should make arrangements to get a break. Let somebody else look after the kids for a while, and take one walk around your local neighborhood. Go hop into a spa at your local pool. See a movie. Whatever fun you have is your choice. You don't have to do these things all of the time, just every so often such as once a week. Anything to feel close again to your partner, or to feel like you want to see them all again.

On a different angle, maybe you should think about how things are going on in your family right now. Maybe you still need to sort out some bad behaviors, your partner needs to help share the work around the house, or you don't do any fun activities together with your children anymore like go to the park.

Anyway, best of luck.

Help with anxiety/OCD?

2 Replies Last post by Jay_JWLH 16 days ago

0xHopefullx0 >> 07/08/2010 4:06pm

after reading the anxiety fact sheet on this site i have the symptoms for panic disorder, i only get this occasionally, but does any one know how i can tell if i have a obssesive complusive disorder?
i often have a clean out of all my belongings and dont like to have too many materialistic things incase i have to pack up and leave suddenly and have too much stuff to take, i hate having depts or being tied down finacially for this reason also..

does anyone think this is an issue or just my personality as i like to be clean,tidy and always organised..?

Replies:

Jay_JWLH >> 23/08/2010 2:55pm

Medical conditions can say this and that. But in my own opinion conditions like that and many more are only a problem if they interfere with you being able to have a happy and normal life. I will however agree, you do sound like you have symptoms of OCD.
It is kind of great that you are able to keep yourself well organised. But is it holding you back? Go to far, and you might end up having difficulty maintaining relationships, or feeling stressed a lot of the time. On the plus side things like keeping on top of your finances and your room being tidy... those are great things. But still, going back to all of the bad, reducing all of your possessions for a quick getaway sounds kinda scary. You really shouldn't have to feel the need to do that.

I say that you should go speak to your doctor and tell them about your symptoms. There are a lot of other people out there that are just like you. I remember trying to follow through some strange things with a certain pattern as I was younger, and a friend of mine has something similar that she takes medication to stop her "bouncing off the walls" as she says. So yeah, I don't know how things will end up, but I think you are definitely on the right track.

kittenz >> 20/08/2010 10:17pm

hi, i know how you feel!! sometimes i used to wonder if i had OCD but now that i have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression i understand why i do the things i do, Anxiety can really play with your mind, i do things like befor i go to bed i have to make sure that every switch in the house is turned off because im worried that if one is on it might start a house fire lol, i have a few other things i do aswell all seem to be befor i go to bed, also when i have a panic attack they happen well im in bed, best thing to do is go see your doctor he/she will give you the advise & help you need, also read up on anxiety and panic attacks and it will all make sence lol, also telling family/friends when you are feeling anxious is good it helps you feel better knowing that someone is there to help you if your worried something is going to happen to you.

Losing Someone Close

2 Replies Last post by Jay_JWLH 16 days ago

AshleighC >> 12/08/2010 2:48pm

The last couple of weeks have been real hard for me. i lost a friend in a car acident, i have fought with a really close mate of mine, and now he hates me. My parents expect me to do more than i am capible and my friends have all just walked away from me, leaving me with no1.

People say 'you're not alone.' so why the heck does it feel like it? Why do i feel like i have to cry every night to let out all my pain and anger. why do i feel that when i walk around school by myself, everyone stares at me and calls me mean names. why am i so horrible and push away the people i love the most. Life has never been harder for me and i am losing all self control. What do you do when there is no body around who will care for you, like that one special person could have?
Answers?

Replies:

Jay_JWLH >> 23/08/2010 2:32pm

I can understand what you are going through. Maybe I won't say much about the first friend you mentioned (which is a tragic loss none-the-less), but the one you are having a fight with should be resolved not just because you need them as a friend, but because you want to work things out. I have no clue what the fight is about, but I hope that the both of you can talk things out.
School can be really cruel on some of us sometimes when we go through it. I feel a whole lot more free, and a whole lot more outgoing/social since I left it. Perhaps I was only just getting out of my shell, but all those people will pick on you less and less as they mature. Plus in the last year (that optional year), I even found that the most annoying ones just left. I suppose they just didn't want to be there longer than they had to. Those at your school probably don't even really know about what pain their actions are causing you. So don't let any of those people who don't really care about you, hurt you. It should be just the ones that you do care about that should be able to hurt you. That's not to say that you should put up with everything though. Who cares what people say about it, just tell one of your teachers if anything serious happens to you, and you'll be better off in the long run.

I also think that counselling would be of great help to you. You have some issues that need to be talked about, and you need somebody to listen. Personally, I think your goal should be to have a counselor to talk to, as well as a friend who you can hang out with or talk to as well. And don't forget about your family. Even I don't share much with any of my family like my mum, but when they can, they help out when I need them.

Well that is everything from me. Best of luck to you Ashleigh.

lissie23 >> 19/08/2010 2:55am

hey there, i do know how you feel, i lost my friend last year, she was taken by a evil man, its coming up to a year and i still cry. ur not meant to get ova it straight away, have u thought of getting councilling? i did the same i pushed everyone away, i did it by myself, it didnt help, it dragged it out longer, just think, will my friend want me to suffer this way? my mates in heaven now, and at rest, thats what i need to remind myself all the time. make sure you keep talking bout ur friend, and cry when u need to cry, and try not to push the right people away, even a teacher or councilor from school could help.

Kia Kaha :-)

Uni students help..

5 Replies Last post by LisaBug 19 days ago

Kevin. >> 17/08/2010 5:32pm

Hi there this week i have made a big step and went for an assessment as i cant take it anymore.. i only went for a dyslexia assessment but i also suffer from anxiety and depression and feel like its taking over.. im going to go to the uni gp for this but was wondering can anyone relate to me? i want to know what to do about uni... like.. is it possible to quit uni and get help and come back next year or if you can get extensions when you are feeling down..

Replies:

LisaBug >> 20/08/2010 9:32am

Hey guys,
I am at uni aswell in my third year and study psychology. So I am pretty well informed about the services that exist to help people in difficult situations such as yours. It may be very hard to take that first step and speak to a uni counsellor, but try to remember they have made a career out of listening and trying to help people such as yourselves who are going through hard times. I have been through depression myself and know how difficult it is, but you shouldn't have to deal with the burden yourself.
Speaking to a GP is certainly an option if you need a simple medical certificate to help with getting time-off or assignment extensions, but a longer-term option makes addressing the issues with a counsellor the best way of ensuring they can be stopped/alleviated.

Rach X >> 19/08/2010 2:34pm

Hi Jess

Wow, 5 weeks is a long time to see a doctor! Just wondering if you have considered seeing one in the community, instead of at uni? I know this can be expensive, however, your health is more important than money, and believe it of not, you can usually claim some money back from southern cross or another organisation. It can feel scary going to a counsellor, so if you don't want to do that you could txt the lowdown, or call youthline?

Rach

jess243 >> 19/08/2010 1:54am

I've just started uni and am feeling really bogged down about the work and just feeling hopeless. Im getting sick really easily and missing a lot of uni and that is just adding to how badly im doing. I've tried going to the uni doctor but since its free its in high demand so I cant get an appointment for 5 weeks. I dont feel comfortable talking to a counsellor(spelling?) and even my boyfriend seems to be getting over trying to help me... what can I do?

stephjking >> 17/08/2010 9:01pm

Hi I go 2 uni too and if you talk to the councillor they can talk to your lecturers and give you extensions or maybe help you postpone your courses till next year

Rach X >> 17/08/2010 7:05pm

Hey there
First of all I am glad that you are going to see a doctor. Anxiety used to make me vomit, but thanks to medication, I havent had that in 3 months. I still do get depressed. I am also at uni, so it sounds like I can relate to you. Depression and anxiety can alter your decision making, so I recommend that you don't make any major decisions until it settles. If it gets too much, you could probably come back next year. At most universities it is possible to get extensions, so I also recommend that you should check this out. Things can feel like they are taking over, but with treatment this feeling does get easier

Good Luck
Rach

Hard Decision

3 Replies Last post by Jay_JWLH 21 days ago

0xHopefullx0 >> 15/08/2010 2:23pm

Hi i was just wondering if anyone out there has any advice about this decision i have to make...
well i have only been with my partner about a month and have just found out he has a bit of a social "Habit" (an illegal habit if you get my drift) and he never told me. i absolutely hate any kind of 'substance taking' and when people do it around me it brings on my anxiety/panic.
I dont know if i should end the relationship now or try and accept him doing this (its not all the time just when he goes out), i think if i stayed with him id end up being angry all the time because thats how his 'habit' makes me feel, and the relationship wouldnt work like that any way....
Any ideas out there??

Replies:

Jay_JWLH >> 18/08/2010 4:14pm

Well there is no use in giving up a good friend when you don't have any. Give it some time, think about it, and see what decision you come to. Just try to keep in mind that there are other people out there who you can date who don't do drugs. You've always got that option.
If he decides to stay the path he is following, then if you get back together that is something about him you are just going to have to accept. By the sounds of it, you aren't dating a guy who is abusing it, or addicted to it, I can only assume it is recreational. Ask a couple of people you know what they think about it. And I'll take a moment to post up some other peoples opinions for you later on as well.
If you think you can work something out, the best thing that you can do is just talk it out and see.

0xHopefullx0 >> 17/08/2010 6:44pm

Jay:
Hi thanks for the reply, he doesnt smoke anything hes been off that for 3years now. (its something else dont know what tho) he says he only does it every now and then and only if hes drinking with his friends & stuff and that its not an on going thing. i havnt actually talked to him properly as in how much how often etc.
I have broken up with him since my 1st post but we're still talking to each other. i am tempted to get back with him cos he keeps sayn its only every now & then and i keep thinking we could compromise or something.
any kind of drugs is usually my deal-breaker but i really like him and apart from this everything was great, plus i have moved to a new town not long before i met him so i dont have any other friends apart from him.....

Jay_JWLH >> 17/08/2010 12:50pm

Well that might depend. Has he always done this, or has he only just gotten into it? Because if he has been into substance abuse for some time now, then you are way in over your head with this one. Besides getting some professional advice from someone, it would be a whole lot better for yourself to leave him, and do so without any regrets. I call things like this a deal-breaker. For me I have a small deal-breaker list, so that if anyone does something on my list, I know it is not something I am ever going to be able to accept about somebody. And eventually, I know it will have to end a relationship, no matter how strong the feelings are.

If he has only just gotten into it however, it can that much easier to get out of it. Tell him how important it is that he stops, and how strongly you feel. Stand up for yourself, and let him feel supported when he is doing the right thing. But like I said earlier, some professional advice wouldn't be so bad. I'm sure you can find some in the phone book, or find something on a NZ website.
Only you can decide how long just getting into drugs means, so don't let him tell you what he thinks is new to him. It can be easy to bend the truth. Three months might seem like only a little while to him, but heaps of time to you.

I can only hope that he is using a less harmful drug. Because I have a friend who does it sometimes, and has stopped at times as well. She is my most loyal friend. So in my personal opinion, different instances vary. However this is no reason to accept cuddling your man if he smells of the stuff all the time.

Getting help

4 Replies Last post by balletbug 22 days ago

balletbug >> 12/08/2010 10:43pm

Hey

Have just turned 21 years old and am at uni. Be really good to hear what others did to get through their depression or what has helped. I have had depression for around 3 or four years now and have just recently started on citalopram...I am finding it quite hard to stick with because of the side effects. Has it helped anyone else? I am seeing a counsellor too. I can't get past feelings...sounds kinda stupid but of not being liked by anyone. I just get really panicked around people and really i don't know where to get support from. I feel really embarrassed about talking to my friends about it, and i am so used to isolating myself i don't really know what to do. It is such hard work huh. I just keep feeling so stuck and getting really down. I know other people struggle with this stuff but i still feel so much like i am on my own, or like i am the only one who feels this way.

Thanks in advance...would love to hear what you think

Replies:

balletbug >> 16/08/2010 10:28pm

Thank you very much for your help and advice. It is really good to hear what you think...i guess so many people hide how they feel and so its easy to feel alone. What makes me feel so...abnormal i guess is that i went straight to university from school, and i was so deeply depressed that i just couldn't function - so much that i have started again each semester since then and am still having to do stage one papers. It just feels so disheartening. I guess what i am trying to do is break the cycle....my depression started because of a traumatic incident in my last year of school and i still feel so haunted by it, and by the people who were around at that time. Its the feeling of not being able to change while i am still 'in it'. I hope that makes sense. I feel like i need to start over and i feel really unsure about how to do that. A big thing for me is that i don't know how to get feelings out and it is those things turning inwards on myself which is so soul destroying and just overwhelms me so much. I have been seeing a counsellor for around a year now - she is wonderful but i seem so wary of people and so distrusting - i find trusting that therapists are genuine really hard to do, even though that seems kind of silly.

Arghh i am sorry for the long post. Guess i needed to vent..thank you for your replies :)

Martin >> 15/08/2010 10:48pm

Hey,
Anyway to let you know I went through a similar experience at the same age as you, I am now 23. I was a university and was at the start terrified of the thought of medication. I was on citalipram up to 40mg, and at one point resperidone at minimal dosages to minimize anxiety. I believe that it is something that you need to be regular about, as I found missing doses only made me feel more on edge. I didn't really experience any side effects, which in most cases are rare, and I believe likely caused by the condition is that most side effects are of the mind and not the medication.
I was lucky to make use of the uni services such as councilling and used them for over a year.
I guess the biggest thing I learnt was to get over my personal stigma of myself, and realize that mental illness is not what it is made out to be in the media and movies, I had a fear that I was going to be sent off to some institution.
Anyway I learnt that family and friends are key to making life as pleasant as possible, I tried keeping it secret, it was so painful, but most people I discussed it with were understanding and in most cases had experienced similar things.
Anyway I could write alnight about thing and tips I have picked up, if you have any questions just ask:)

0xHopefullx0 >> 15/08/2010 6:26pm

Hey there
i have also not long turned 21 and have been on citalopram since about 08 but was depressed for a few years before that (i had no idea at the time). i think i have come a long way and the medication definately helped, i am currently on the lowest dosage of citalopram.
i also get anxiety/panic which i am still struggling with at the mo. when i was getting through tough times on my own i often found setting goals helped alot even just little daily things and it started giving me a bit of motivation to get out of my slump.(my motivation came from wanting to prove myself to other people which im guessing is probably not the healthy way to do it) i also distracted myself by doing things just for me pampering myself i guess and definately writing things down was another big one it got things out of my system, made a bit more sense and stopped my mind spinning going over and over things.
I still feel like sometimes im never guna get out of it, i still start to panic and get anxiety in situations that where i feel im goin to get hurt (emotionally) and so i struggle with relationships i find this hard because it makes me lonely.
Its hard when people dont understand and even people with depression, it affects evryone differntly.

Hope that helps a bit :)

perfect peace* >> 14/08/2010 12:19am

Hey Balletbug
I am also 21 and at uni and have been depressed the whole time iv been here (3 years) - i went to the Dr for another reason and she picked up on it and referred me to a counsellor. I just had my first session the other day and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I am such a private person so i know how hard it is the enter into counselling!
Good on oyu for getting help, and try not to be embarrassed with your friends - depression (especially at uni) is a lot more prevalent than it's made out to be. So please don't feel like your alone on this one ... :) Good luck

Why now

2 Replies Last post by 0xHopefullx0 24 days ago

0xHopefullx0 >> 07/08/2010 3:34pm

Why is it when every thing is finally goin good i start thinking about things to much start getting upset and waiting for something to go wrong.
I have just moved to a new town finally got a job and a good paying one, have just about completed a part time course, plan on studing what i really want to do next year and have just met someone and started a new relationship, but i feel like im doing something wrong all the time my partner says hes not in a grumpy mood but i feel like he is...
am i just reading into and thinking about things to much waiting for something 2 go wrong??
why cant i just relax and go with the flow in life and enjoy it..?

Replies:

0xHopefullx0 >> 15/08/2010 12:59pm

Well i guess my instincts were right... some thing had to go wrong and it did, i have just discoverd my partner has a little social "habit" he just forgot to mention and because of my morals i cant stand what he does.

Everthing was just too good to be true.

Raelene >> 09/08/2010 7:35pm

I find it hard to go with the flow because i am so use to things going wrong. Try not to over think things to much.

tired

1 Reply Last post by jess4444 24 days ago

faram66 >> 12/08/2010 3:59am

I'm 28 and I have been in this really weird place for the past 2 years. At the beginning I fought to try keep myself from heading to this place...determined that I was strong enough but i wasn't. for the past 2years i have been motivated to do buggar all...i don't care about my future...to tell the truth most times. There are a couple of times that i've thought about the old dreams i use to have...but not often...because i just cry and don't believe it anymore. I'm ok though, i think i just really needed to say something even if noone heard.
I'm Selfish aren't i? Yep. When people try to cheer me up I get really s#itty with them....am i out of reach???

Replies:

jess4444 >> 14/08/2010 10:15pm

I don't think it's selfish at all.
Sometimes I feel like I'm so self-centred and self-pitying but I think that those feelings aren't rational and you can't let them make you feel worse than you need to.

moods???

2 Replies Last post by mamoruxiah 27 days ago

nic.d.91 >> 09/08/2010 10:38pm

y can 1 day i be real happy and the next day im so bad that i can barely leave my room an have scary thoughts?

i dnt understand how 2day im feeling better and yesterday i was soo bad and upset, off and cryin all day?
does any1 else feel like this? thishas probly been the smilest ive been in months but im still not happy completey just in a better mood? it makes no sence.

can any 1 shead some light?

Replies:

mamoruxiah >> 12/08/2010 4:53am

don't worry, you're not alone. i'm the same way except the happiest mood i can have will last for 6 hrs max lol i can't even last a day. then i'll be off crying again for no reason lol

Jay_JWLH >> 11/08/2010 12:44am

Well I think there is one quick thing you can do. Just schedule to visit your doctor, and tell them how your moods have been a bit out of control for you. Then they can refer you to someone who will help you understand things a little better.

I've had my fair share of days like that too, but perhaps more to do with how things were going in my life. When things were pretty bad though, I did decide to take big walks around my area. It really did help clear my head, amazed me how far I had walked and seen places, but I came home feeling more sane. If you feel frustrated, or you are thinking too much, you should do what I did and walk around a lot. As you find better ways to cope with your feelings, and don't let thoughts get you down, you will be able to better manage yourself. It just takes a bit of time to get used to.

Im scared im gona ruin my relationship!

2 Replies Last post by Luana Karl 27 days ago

0xHopefullx0 >> 02/08/2010 6:06pm

i dont no where to start or how to explain this but ill try..
i guess it all comes down to self esteem, if i get upset or feel unwanted i tend to get upset, usually get angry and will end up bein mean to my partner ( i guess could class it as emotional blackmail) ill give you an example so you know what i mean eg: if he doesnt want to stay at my place a night i feel hurt so ill deny him when he does want to stay, if that makes sense...
just little things like that i dont want him to leave me because of my emotions.......
i havnt had many relationships and this is the first when i havnt had depression.
am i reading to much into things?
is this just self esteem?
am i just a bit emotional because im stressed i have no job and havnt had for a while this takes away my independence would that add to my low self esteem?

Any one have any ideas??
or felt similar???

Replies:

Luana Karl >> 11/08/2010 8:15pm

Hey I have a similar problem with my boyfriend. He has a go at me for no reason than tells me to go away. he makes me think I have a problem but it's him.

Jay_JWLH >> 04/08/2010 1:53pm

I think that it is great that you have managed to figure out a bad pattern about yourself, and are willing to do something about it. Yes, I will admit that from your partners point of view things like that can become very emotionally draining for him, having to be on top of things to make the relationship work properly. If I were him, I think it would be a bit courtesy to be given a little heads up if he hasn't been given any already, to help him better understand your behavior right now. Just something to keep an open line of communication between one another. But after that, just try and work on things one step at a time. Lets take that example of yours for starters. Next time you see this happened, try to do it differently for the better.

You say you have no job. Well with no job there comes too much free time on your hands. And this is something I too have had, which has kind of driven me nuts. It is important to find something to better fill in your day, so that you don't spend it all over thinking what is left in your life. Whether that involves getting a job (paid or volunteer), properly cleaning the house (if you don't mind that either lol), or visit some places that don't necessarily cost you any money. Whatever it might be, I'm sure you will be able to find something.

If you become more happier and relaxed, then he will see that in you as well.

Helping people without becoming too involved

Last post by Rach X 28 days ago

Rach X >> 11/08/2010 6:16pm

I just found out that my sisters friend is going through some of the same things that I was/am going through. Without getting into too much detail, they don't really express how they are feeling. I really want to help and share my story with them if they is willing. The problem is that I believe that I am an extremely helpful person and worry that if I support them too much, their problems may become my worries! How can I support them/the family without this happening?

Depression and pregnacy

2 Replies Last post by Rach X 28 days ago

Raelene >> 09/08/2010 7:09pm

I have a 2 y/o daughter and am now pregnany again I had PND and came off my pills due to been pregnant. I have been off my meds for about 2 weeks now and am starting to get depression signs again. I am scared to start taking my meds again because of what can happen to the baby. My dc says that if I keep taking them that the baby can be born addicted to them and go thru withdraws what should i do?

Replies:

Rach X >> 11/08/2010 10:55am

Have you tried counselling? This can help some of the depression symptoms. Maybe you could ask your doctor to refer you to a recommended one?

Jay_JWLH >> 11/08/2010 12:54am

I say that you trust the advice of your doctor. When you balance it out, going through that amount of time without the medication, versus having a child addicted to the medication for even longer, I think you know what you are trying to fight for. Definitely try to get some exercise (outside included), and keep your diet healthy. Both these things, along with activities to keep you occupied, will both help the time pass and keep your mind off depression. Even things like drawing (I'm sure the Internet might teach you how), an interesting online based game (but don't spend your entire day on it), or whatever you can think of.
And just in case you haven't, let people be a little aware of your situation. If they listen to you properly, they can understand better. That is what I would prefer anyway, if you were someone I knew and were around.

I have everything i ever wanted, so why?

2 Replies Last post by Rach X 28 days ago

cake1 >> 10/08/2010 12:53pm

hmmm, i have had a few changes in my life recently - for the better i thought! so why am i not happy? I have a four month old baby boy, i'm engaged, we have moved to the most amazing place and i no longer need to work..... This is what i have always wanted, so i thought. I am finding it hard to be motivated, i just dont care about anything, just the very sight of my partner up sets me... I am content with my baby and am happy around him its just everything else. I feel weak, useless, ugly, sad, unconfident and shy i want to meet new people but i am just not making the effort.... and i cry all the time!

Replies:

Rach X >> 11/08/2010 10:51am

Hey
Don't be too hard on yourself. Congratulations on your baby boy :) There is a type of depression called post-natal depression, can't say I have ever had it, but I have had experience with general depression. I would recommend that you go see you doctor, they are usually a great help. Remember, if you have depression, it is an illness and it can ruin your motivation and make you cry all the time. The sooner you get on top of it, the easier it will be to tackle

Jay_JWLH >> 11/08/2010 12:38am

I have definitely come to recognize that although I enjoy having quite a few days in which to sleep in and stay up, my life would be that much more ruined if I didn't have things like work and school to go to in which to keep me motivated. So far, just my ability to get up in the morning is kind of difficult, but still possible with work getting me up a bit early on some days. You just got to have those things in your life that get the motivational ball rolling, such as the thrill of getting work done on time, or having to be somewhere. Even if it doesn't take up all the days of your week, find something, anything, that will help give your life more purpose. It can be paid, volunteer, or whatever else there is.
Since you have a child, maybe you can have him babysat for just a while, as you do something else important. Or get out of the house and do things with him, even if it is just a stroll down to the park. Maybe get a cat. I know that the one I have is quite the handful.

Well whatever it is you decide, I hope you have fun doing it.

Im to insecure to go out anymore

2 Replies Last post by Wahine 28 days ago

KJ >> 15/05/2010 4:09pm

i Cant acept myself for who i am. too fat, too ugly, personalityless, not good at anything, no great job.
im nothing. I dont go out anymore becasue of all the above.
i want to change so bad but dont have the drive to do so and i cant change who i am.

I dano.

Replies:

Wahine >> 11/08/2010 10:40am

I relate to similar things as you. My heart starts beating really fast, and I start worrying and get bad thoughts in my head. Then I don't want to leave the house, it's the same with going to appointments and talking with new people.

Then I started going to a youth centre. I was really really nervous at the start, but my mum came with me for the first couple of appointments. It eventually got easier and now I can come in by myself. I eventually started talking in front of people and went to a group programme/course.

Now, I'm seeing a doctor and thinking about seeing a counselor. Writting this is really hard for me - but i'm trying to take small steps.

LifeGoesOn >> 17/05/2010 7:45pm

I feel the same way most of the time, like there's nothing cool about me and thus nobody would be interested in getting to know me. I hate being in large groups or areas with lots of people because I'm really self-conscious, and I always feel like people are staring at me because I'm alone. I especially hate eating at the cafeteria in my residence hall because I always eat alone in the corner when everyone else eats in large groups, and I feel like everyone's watching me. So I always try to be the first one in line and eat my food quickly so I can finish and leave before most people arrive.

I think a lot of it is mental though, like if you keep thinking that you're not a great person it'll just make the situation worse. I'm really insecure too, so I know it's hard to change negative thinking into positive.

While things can't change overnight, maybe if you take it step by step each day it might help. Maybe you can keep a journal and write down 3 good things that happened for each day. Like they can be very small things like "I had some really good cheese lasagna" or "I watched a funny movie today" etc. Finding the positive things that happen each day could help lift your mood.

When you think of negative things about yourself, try to replace them with positive things. Like if you think "My ears are too big" replace that with "these earrings look good on me" etc. I think if you continue to focus on the bad, it'll only make things worse and you'll be digging yourself deeper.

Hope this helps and good luck! :)

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