kamatis >> 06/07/2010 8:59am
I find it difficult to open up, so this may be a little confusing, bear with me...
I just turned 20, and i feel like i haven't gone any where in my life. I have no contact with my mother, and my father lives overseas in the UK with his wife, whom i dislike. We have never gotten along, although she tried to fill in that 'mum' position. I was simply not interested in her at all.
My last girlfriend was two years ago. She was beautiful. She cared for me, made me feel special and warm in this cold world of ours, and i loved her. The only thing was that we lived on the different islands (me north and her south). Because we were both young, our time together was painfully limited.
Unfortunately, as a young guy i was a fool. I took my girl for granted, i treated her badly, sometimes i would just ignore her. Arguments became long, phone calls became short. I lost my girl, who i sensed was consequentially interested in another guy. The last time i saw her, i sat in her driveway, held her and cried because i knew that her feelings for me were gone, although when she asked me what was wrong i knew not what to say. what could i have said? I think about and miss her to this day.
I often feel like i am truly alone. Who do i turn to for help? Where does someone with no one go to find a true friend?
I don't feel i am a bad person. I like to laugh and i like to make people laugh. my 'friends' come to me often for advice, although they just want me to fix their problems, and will happily stab me in the back in return. I usually feel outcast among them, and different.
To anyone who took the time to read this, thank you for your time. i'm not asking for any help, but im here to help if needed.
-jay
kezz88 >> 06/07/2010 5:38pm
Man, you are an amazing guy!!! How brave of you to be so honest of here! You have guts!!
I can relate to what you're saying about your 'friends' as most of my friends I feel are only around for me to help out when they find no one is there and of course that means i find myself, like you, being stabbed in the back and being used.
I too relate to feeling alone. I dont know the answer for who you turn to for help as no doubt when you need someone there is no one there. If you find the answer to this please let me know. Otherwise I think you are making a big, brave step by posting here, I know it is not always easy to put everything in writing like you have and no that some people will judge you for what you say, and others (like me) will just admire you for the strength and courage it took you to write what you have. You are amazing, and I think you will get through this stuff, only it does take time. (I know I hate hearing that too!!!)
Take Care, and keep posting on here, we can all share each others experiences and put them to good use or somehow just find a level to relate to one another on.
atticus >> 06/07/2010 4:52pm
You sound like such a genuine person. If you keep being kind to others, then eventually that will be reciprocated. It's such an unfortunate fact of life that people's kindness does not mean they will recieve anything in return, even when it's most needed.
I found that my depression made me have feelings which resulted in anger toward my boyfriend. Even then I knew it wasn't something I could help, though I really tried, and I tried to let him know. But... now I look back, he can't have understood. I guess what I'm getting at is that even though I loved him more than anything in the world, there were times I couldn't help but be sad or angry at him. When you're depressed emotions are sometimes impossible to control. And it's so important to not blame yourself about breaking up. Everyone has faults and life were against you two.
After a life changing break-up, you need good friends. There is no one else who can relate to you at your own level, and give the sort of support that you'll need to begin healing. But it's not like you don't already know that. I hope you can find new friends who are more genuine.
If you ever need an ear I'd be happy to listen.
