22578724 >> 31/01/2012 12:36am
Ok why i think this is stupid well it’s a web site that people just write things about, well what’s on their mind, what’s going on.. etc etc.
I might give it ago as well i mean you never know it may help someone else out there? Hopefully/maybe kind of, well why i say that as they might be in the same situation as i am and might not feel so alone? I don’t know,
Long story short, when i was 17 ish (Now 22) people around me (Friends & family) thought i was losing it and well i was couldn’t be around other peers as much couldn’t go into crowded places bla bla bla apparently that’s not normal, and a few other things happened that made it supper un-normal that the old police turned up to take me away to the Phyc people anyways After many hours of "therapy" in other words talking to a Useless idiot about how your feelings and all that jazz you know how it is when you see those idiots... there’s just no justification for me to see them, there just Idiots and know how to talk and get information out of you basically, Ok we now have the Idiots definition cleared now to the drugs, Erm this was an interesting event i was on a few different types for kicks i suppose the idiots didn’t know what to give me but all things were good after a couple of months of taking them, so well i felt "Normal" so that was good, but after 2-3 years enufs enuf and i stopped taking them, Now I’ve gone thus that little phase where you should not have to force drugs down you to make yourself more socially accepted it’s just silly, i mean come on my nana takes drugs for real problems like heart etc. ... you know organs not your brain.. So i seriously see why anyone should have to take drugs to feel better or socially acceptable as i call it...
Now of course i should tell you what kind of work i do, I design electronics, Yes just like in the movies where that little geek sits in a room all day with no windows well... iv got a window but it leads to a wall ! Lol kind of funny isn’t it but yip no natural light so i suppose people see us guys as not normal anyways, well not normal enough to deserve natural light...
so my work is my life i take it home with me when my days finished at the workshop and take it all back again in the morning, so Yes my life is my work, now this is getting really stupid now.. and it’s been gradually getting worse every week, people yes other human beings, more nearly unknown people are becoming more of a problem as well as the people i already know are being more and more difficult to be around, So yes supper market it out of the question for me these days, i can’t go to the jay car store, Dick smith lol.. Forget it
it hasn’t been that much of an issue long term with the whole crowded environment you ether just shop online or well wait until near closing to do your shopping, but it’s now getting slightly worse in terms of going when its quiet or seeing people i already know,'
Now why did i bring up Mr Idiot well... i can’t see anyone i don’t know and like hell am going to just see my GP and get refereed like last time
Years ago, well i haven’t been to a GP in a few years now, and i aint going now,
Now works a hard one, am in a building of 300 people (of course spread out over 4 floors)
so when someone comes in randomly i get what i call startled "Jump with such a fright waiting for them to move on" ( as the designer and not the administrator no one needs to see me for anything just my boss that happens to be in the same room as me...)
But i always get the same comment on daves doing something he shouldn’t be, well no you just gave me such a fright, i couldn’t help but look as if you gave me a heart attack, Bloody pen pushers..
So now its slowly coming to where I can no longer work at well... work, I can do 95% of what I do at home so that’s ok, But still kinda fround appon so it would be ideal to stay at work..
So question, how long would this continue for, I really don’t know if it continues for years and years to come I would most likely move down to southland buy a farm and well live out there instead where I would no longer have to interact with people or be scared of what they would react to me being socially unacceptable, Now I know who care really! But it’s funny when you’re put into that situation at that very instant it’s a whole different story, Kind of funny feeling eh... I’m sure most of you wouldn’t know what I mean but meh... that’s ok
Are there others like this? that have gone away from population to solve this, I would be really interested to know, I know of you were a retail assistant I can understand it would be slightly harder to move away, but mind you I can’t even come into a retail store let-alone work in one lol..
So I suppose am in an advantage with the kind of work I do that allows me to work remotely from population,
Now let’s define non socially acceptable behaviour as well there’s my definition and well there’s others definitions, I would see from a PC point of view many of my actions/hobbies wouldn’t be very PC, but that’s not why am here today..
I mean Erm, Overly jumpy for no reason, Can’t talk fluently to one another basically because your shit scared and maybe at times I’ve just walled off... Apparently that’s kind of rude to-do, Of cause there’s other factors in my head such as depression etc. but apparently that’s part of the non-social aspect of my life, I dune that’s what the idiots said.. Il take their word for it, So they just gave anti-anxiety and anti-depressant drugs to solve all that, Thought one would sort all.. But ok... I’m not the idiot that’s specialised in Open air in the mind...
Not they did a very good job of “Curing” anyways as it seemed to come back worse a few years later,
Anyways I should cut this off now, it’s getting late and I’ve got shit to do today
Must say just writing all this made me think shit I wonder if anyone else is having the same problem and if there isn’t oh well shit happens besides it was kind of good to get this out of my head, most of this most likely won’t make sense at all to anyone, nor myself most likely but oh well.. Feels different to write this out than think it over, Weird aye!
Again excuse the grammar and spelling, Its late as it is..
